I was sitting in class today when I realized that I never really wrote a blog talking about the end of my incredible trip, and what this next season is going to look like for me. So, if you are interested, here we go!
I loved Jeffrey’s Bay. More than I ever thought I could love a place. More than I ever thought I could naturally feel at home in a space I had only been living in for a month. Once you live in small little village where everyone seems to know each other, and you serve in a place that allows you to be relational with locals who are just like you, things start to feel more like home. People who are fascinated by who you are, people who genuinely care about you, people who love on you, and people who make you apart of their day-to-day life. This is the kind of community that genuinely makes you feel like you have a place and you belong.
I learned a lot about myself and who God has called me to be and what He wants me to do in the last month of my trip. If you have read any of the other blogs then you heard about how I was volunteering in a coffee shop, and serving through the marketplace. I feel called to create a space for communion and community, and God has really given me the passion for coffee. I also explain to everyone who asks me “why coffee?” that a majority of people come into coffee shops in a very vulnerable state. I always get the same confused face every time I say that and I don’t really know how to put it into any other words. If you think about it, had a long day, got little sleep, need an afternoon pick me up? Coffee is where a lot of people refuel. I had many fruitful conversations with people and got to pray over so many customers just because they came in for a cup of coffee. ANYWAYS, this leads to where I am now.
Lets start with emotionally! Feelings! Yay! Coming back was for sure one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. I didn’t realize how bad it was going to hurt until I sat and cried for 5 hours straight the day I arrived back home. My heart was longing for everything I had the last 2 months. My prayer is that reading this and hearing about my feelings towards coming back does not offend you. Because its not because I don’t love you. This is not about you. I love everything about Greenville and Anderson and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. It’s something that you really are never going to understand until you move somewhere for 2 months and then have to come back home, when everything around you has changed. My team is hands down some of the most incredible people I have ever met. We held hands beside each other, built each other up, and helped me truly bloom into who God has called me to. Living in community will never look the same for me because of the way that they loved and served me so well. We witnessed things that I can’t even explain even if I tried. This is a bond that is never going to be broken. My pastor, Brad prayed over me the night before I left. As I was sitting on his couch I was flooded with anxiety about the people I was going to have to let into my life. I didn’t know any of them. I knew nothing about them actually. He prayed for an unbreakable bond and sisters that would literally be in my wedding one day. And boy, I knew God answered that prayer sitting across the table from these people for the first time at training camp.
My leader Andrew spoke this over me while we were still in Africa. “In the crushing, and in the breaking, in the things that feel like subtraction, and in the pain, stay true to yourself and remember God has something bigger. when you feel like you are being made less, He is just revealing to you who you really are.” With the abundance of community that I gained over the past few months, coming home felt like a loss, even though it obviously wasn’t. I am reminded everyday why I am here. I have incredible people here who are building me up. But honestly, I didn’t expect so many of my people to completely move on, and never talk to me once I got back. I wasn’t expecting to feel like I had lost so much. I gained so much spiritually and mentally this summer, but coming home felt like I lost a lot. Friendships, connections, and a lot of things that were truly important to me. It is really hard to find people who genuinely want to hear about this summer for me. So if you have showed interest and listened to me, I have probably sat on my bedroom floor, crying, and thanking God for you. So thank you. I wish I could say that I have learned this lesson and moved on from this feeling but it is something that Satan still teases me with. I have no regrets about going obviously, but this season of what feels like subtraction, is really hard for me, but I am excited to see the purpose behind it all.
Yes, I am at school. I am still a Christian Studies major at Anderson University, with a minor in Studio Art! I have had multiple people tell me that my major and minor is not going to get my very far in what I actually want to do, but I have prayed a lot about it and feel God calling me to these majors specifically. Also there is not a whole lot I can do to study coffee in college! I got a job at a local coffee shop in Anderson, and it is a whole lot of fun. Its such a fun way for me to love on people are spark up conversations! I actually had a guy come in on my first shift who randomly asked me about Africa and turns out he served in Swaziland on the Race! I have a few volunteer positions at my church, and am also learning about opening a small business through an internship at a local flower cart in Greenville! I am keeping myself pretty busy but also giving myself enough time to be still and at peace in the presence of God. I am confident in the fact that the same Holy Spirit that was in Africa is in Anderson, SC. THIS IS GOOD NEWS!!
Next summer! Everyone is asking me if I will return next summer, and the answer is yes and no. I am planning on taking a 2 week trip with one of my teammates to visit Jeffrey’s Bay, but I will not be spending the whole summer there! As much as I would love to do it all over again, I feel God calling me to stay home this summer, and serve the people right in front of me, but who knows what the future holds!!
Thank you for supporting me on this journey. It has been one hell of a ride, and one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I could have not done it without your prayers and obedience to donate to me!! Thank you, thank you!!!
