I am writing this one week into the Race. I left home exactly a week ago, but have been adventuring in the beautiful South Africa for about 3 days now. we had quite the trip getting to where we are now, but we safely made it to our home in Nsoko.
I am sure everyone is dying to hear about the ministry i have started partnering with. although we havent started this so called ministry, God has not stopped working since the first day of training.
after having a conversation with two of my teammates in the airport, God quickly revealed to me the identity issue that I was holding onto. a lot of pain and hurt resurfaced and i allowed myself to openly feel pain i expirenced because of the Church. not my local church, but more specifically some of the people around me who were representing the body of Christ. my defensive mechanism is to face inwards and curl up like a rolly polly everytime my big personality and large amount of faith was attacked, especially in Jesus’ name. i turned quiet, shy, and allowed myself to push away the Holy Spirit. I found myself so quiet to the point where the only time I talked about Jesus was in my quiet time.
on the airplane, I read something about my girl Eve, and I can’t seem to shake it during this season of my life. God called man and woman good. He called Eve good. I can picture her dancing through fields of flowers and chasing after animals, and running free. she knew what her prupose was and she didn’t need any degrees or commentaries to fulfill that. she didnt need anyone to acknowledge her calling because she was so confident that she was the qualified to fill the job God gave her. I can imagine her laughing and walking in freedom, and God looking down on her with a grin so wide that causes his whole face to wrinkle.
the best news and the most freeing thing is that in the greatest story ever told, I am not the main character. this is not about me. i dont have to live up to anyones expectations of me, I can live freely, and I know God looks down on me with the same wide grin He looked down on Eve with, no matter how many times I get it wrong, and how many times I am not “theologically correct”. Yes, getting things right is important, but it is not the overarching purpose of the gospel. the gospel is not that hard. its simple actually. Ive felt more attacked by Christians for my beliefs than i have been non believers. is it really that important to you to be right? so important that someone who is rooted in Christ, losing their faith, and feeling like they need to neglect their purpose?
This season is going to be different for me. healing and mending of my heart & soul. but a lot of freedom. spiritual & emotional freedom. im ready. friends & family, thank you for holding my hand through all of this, and believing in me! LETS DO THIS THING JESUS.
