Life’s Sketchy, Bro

 

266 days ago i left America. i left the comfort of my cozy country home nestled between hayfields on the back roads of Michigan, my hilarious best friends i've grown up and done life with since the age of 5, my wonderful loving family who knows the ins and outs of my big fat heart better than anyone, my stylish granny car the ever faithful ole' golden mercury sable, my precious German short hair pup (who i may or may not be slightly obsessed with,) delicious American food that my emotions and taste buds have grown accustomed to over the course of 24 years, the amenities of a normal bathroom complete with a sink, bath tub, shower, toilet and mirror, the security of two regular consistent jobs and an income, i left behind my comfortable American…life.

 

266 days ago i let go of loved ones, of possessions, of control. or so i thought. since then, I've been to 17 foreign countries, traveled on planes, trains, busses, tuk tuks, motorcycles and boats. lived in mud huts in the bush of Africa, a bamboo stilt house in the mountains of Asia. i never speak the local language. i never know the currency exchange rate. i have to be informed of the cultural norms, the do's and don'ts of each new place. i've met hundreds, maybe thousands of strangers. i spend my days seeking out and loving on the outcasts. the homeless, the orphans, the prostitutes, the widows, the drug addicts, the alcoholics, the poverty stricken, the invalids, the 'least of these.' the people society labels as worthless.

 

getting into unmarked taxi cars with a janky map drawn on a napkin (if i'm lucky enough to have one) but mostly just trying to convince a man who doesn't speak English to take me to a place i've never been to before in a town i can't even pronounce, is a norm in my life. i've hitch hiked, i've slept on the side of a creepy African road overnight, i've negotiated with corrupt police officers, i've held a full grown tiger by the tail, i eat strange street food and drink fresh stream water because i have no other option. i go on random adventures with strangers just about every day. i've driven through a modern day stoning, avoiding the grasp of strangers who hate white people, let alone, Christians. needless to say, i've been in more than a few sketchy situations over the course of this journey. 

 

and here we are in the beautiful land of Thai and I find myself in yet another sketchtastic scenario. 

 

it's customary on the World Race to pretty much always have your contact or host or translator with you. when you leave the house (or hut,) they're there. when you go to sleep, they're often in the next room or house over. we started off this month like any other when it comes to having our person with us. that is until, she got sick and had to head back to Chaing Mai to go to the hospital, leaving me and 4 of my teammates behind. that was over a week ago. that means that our closest contact and English speaking friend is currently two hours away. 

 

so now here we are, 5 Jesus loving chicks living in a creepy house all by ourselves, in a Buddhist community plopped halfway up a hill in the middle of a village we know nothing about, don't have a car, we are miles away from the nearest store, even further away from the nearest city, and despite our embarrassing attempts to learn the language, we can't speak a lick.

 

i'm supposed to be the brave one of the group but…let's be honest. i'm freaked out. 

 

i sleep with a machete next to my pillow every night.

 

and by 'sleep' i mean toss and turn, mostly laying there eyes wide open hanging on every creek and croak of the old wooden floor, every eerie gust of wind that billows over this aging house, every squeak and squirm made by rats that climb the shelves and scurry along the floorboards at night. every stray dog that barks obnoxiously in the dark gives me the heebie jeebies. did i mention there are lizards, ants, termites, and moths that also plague this house? about two/thirds of the rusty dead bolts on the windows actually work and FYI: if someone really wanted to come in here, a swift booty blast or power kick to the side door would do the trick because, it doesn't lock at all. every little noise i hear, my mind goes a-wall and immediately thinks, "INTRUDER, INTRUDER!" i wake up frustrated at the fact that we are all alone out here and can't communicate with the people around us. 
 

this was me the majority of our stay here. that is until, i quit being stubborn and hard-headed and let the Lord speak to me. i tuned in my listening ears to hear His voice in all of this and unmasked my eyes to see how He is using this sketchy circumstance so, so brilliantly. 

 

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then i am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. 

 

God has called me to this life of abandonment, to this life of reckless faith and trust and He has called me to live in DEEP dependence on Him. i follow Jesus who is the poster child for love. and SACRIFICIAL love at that. 

He laid down His life for the ones He loved, aren't I to do the same? lay my life down for the One i love?

 

what is all this fear business? that isn't me at all. what is all this needing to feel safe and secure business? i was never promised that. i'm realizing how my feeble human weakness is like a powerful magnet for Him. He is drawn into my neediness. fear does nothing but block the flow of His strength into me. i've laid down the whole concept of 'fighting my fears' and focused solely on trust. trust is the channel through which His peace flows. 

 

God absolutely showers blessings on us daily, but sometimes (a lot of times,) i don't perceive them. i'm so busy worrying about the boogie man lurking around outside that mind has been stuck on a distracting, negative focus, blinding me from Him and His daily gifts. in faith, i've let go of being frustrated and fed-up with being 'abandoned' out here, and began thanking him for the very thing that has been preoccupying my mind at night. the Lord uses every life circumstance and every situation. sketchy or not. He knows the best way to get each person to love him the most. it's all the hand of the potter, and i am feeling the PRESSURE this month. but ahh how good it is! forming me into the image of Himself. God is shaking everything that can be shaken. He wants me to cling to Him. and so here i am. clung like a static charge. 

 

let me fill you in on a few ways the Lord has redeemed this house and this situation:
 

a) He sent  a mysterious guard dog that watches over us all day, even escorting us to our ministry site where we do manual labor that is a solid kilometer away, and stays all morning until our work is done.

b) He surrounded us with amazing village people and neighbors who love us and take care of us like their own daughters, cooking us meals and checking up on us constantly.

c) We have been able to establish and blossom in some amazing friendships with these people, despite not having a translator by our sides.

d) There is an old abandoned church adjacent to our front porch where we held a service and worshiped with all the peace in the world.

e) We were given 2 motorcycles and a whole lotta open road to explore and help us get to and fro this month. (thanks dad for teaching me how to drive the manual!)

 

in conclusion, God is teaching me to really lay it ALL down. even the things i have a white-knuckle death grip on so stinkin tightly. 

 

so…i am giving Him my strengths, i am handing over my bravery, my toughness and independence, and leaning into His strengths. how can i be a light in this world, go to the nations and lead people to Jesus, lead people to a locked gaze of love and trust, if it's not a place i have been before? this place of full dependence and desperate trust is EXACTLY where i need to be. the furnace of affliction that I'm sitting (aka living in) now is what's preparing me to be a voice. how can I pull people into His safety net if i'm not in it myself? 

 

so i say: keep on rocking the boat, Lord. bring on the sketchy, Bro. shake all that can be shaken, My Friend.

my eyes will remain locked on You.

you are all I want, and you are ALL i need.

I want you more than peace.

I want you more than comfort.

i want you more than safety.

i need you more than peace.

i need you more than comfort.

i need you more than safety.