“Cranky holiness is usually the result of living with a wounded spirit while seeking to live right in your own strength.” –Mike Bickle
When, I first became Christian I was on “fire” for the Lord. Leadership classes? I was top student! But, things got messed up. The past haunted me day in and day out. I wouldn’t feed my spirit and the flesh was too strong. I became addicted to porn and self-exploration. Then I thought I could cover it up, by acting like a good church girl. But, I didn’t even go to church. I would randomly post bible verses and good refreshing quotes. I thought I can do this. I can stop! “I” CAN STOP! For many years I have battled with this. I was too ashamed to talk about it with anyone. Including God. So, I took matters into my own hands.
My walk with Christ was bitter, poor, tasteless. At one point I wanted to do nothing with God. I prayed many times and I was so lost in sin that I could not hear His whispers. I could not feel His strong arms cradle me. I grew desperate. I was getting constant migraines, I was literally growing sick. My body reflected what my spiritual life was like. I was always tired, because I kept trying to live my life right on my own strength. I was away from God and thought I could do it all alone… but:
John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing”
It happened for 2-3 years. The more I tried the more I failed. See, I neglected the help of someone that is much greater and powerful than I was. Simply because I WANTED TO PROVE I DID NOT NEED HELP. I grew up most of my life having to figure things out. I never asked for help, never really bothered asking. Something that God has been working in me lately through The World Race is humbling myself and ask for help. Something I was never used to!!
Until one evening July 16th, 2014. I had been clean for a few months, but the struggle was real. I had fallen into the patterns of trying to go about it with my own strength. But on this night. My heart and mind were free of bondage. The chains have fallen off of me! I am no longer in need of porn and I realized the devil had stolen so much of me. It was time to claim back my life. With the authority God has bestowed upon us, I claimed my life. And ladies, men aren’t the only ones who struggle with this. It was a lie, I was fed by the devil. THERE IS HOPE! He is our Hope and Joy!
For many years I believed I had no hope, like there was no way out. But those are all LIES from the devil!!
But there is is HOPE! There is HOPE!
1 Peter 1:3-6 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade–kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.”
Romans 5:2-7 “through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.”
There is Hope in His resurrection! Keep on fighting that good fight, run the race with perseverance and HOPE!
