So, here I am 9 days away from launch. I am pretty much set except the $4,500 standing in the way. Today, I pretty much woke up with emotions on a high and it only took someone mentioning my short comings and all I could hear “You are a failure! See, you can’t even meet the deadline!!” boy, those words tore me up and broke me down. I was a complete mess this morning and it is in these moments when I am blessed to have such amazing squad mates who encourage me and believe with me and for me. I had to text someone and so I did and this is what she responded with
“To walk in greater levels of faith and power, it is important that you do not try to figure out, calculate, or reason how God is going to heal, deliver, set free, meet your needs, etc.… rather you must just believe. When you try to figure out in your mind how God is going to do something, then you are not trusting. God never told us that faith required us to figure it out; rather faith requires us to rely on the truth and integrity of God’s Word. Most Christians try to figure out how we are going to get what we have asked God for, or what He has shown us that He would do, because we don’t really trust God.” She proceeded to tell me “Gen, hang in there sis. FIGHT! Dig into your word. Pray! Press through! He has this, nothing has changed. He said it… He is going to do it” and I was more undone only because I was so encouraged by her words and I was so blessed to have someone I could go to and knew would understand but, it got even better “GOD WILL BREATHE LIFE INTO THE VERY THINGTHAT EVERYONE THINKS IS DEAD. He is still working Gen! WE LAUNCH IN 10 DAYS!!”
Words can’t be put together to express what this meant for me. For almost two years I have had to fight a spiritual battle for this mission’s trip. I have had to shed many tears for this trip; I have had to pray endlessly for this trip. I have had to continuously say “yes” and I have continuously chosen to follow Christ over my family every single day. Not everyone can understand my calling and sometimes believing has made me look like a fool which I am completely OKAY with.
Today, when my friend texted me “most Christians try to figure out how we are going to get what we have asked God for, or what He has shown us that He would, because we don’t really trust” #SteppedOnMyToes. I realized that I was not letting Him to work in me and through me because I was too busy trying to figure it out how he was going to do it. So I began to pray against the doubt, against disbelief, and against anxiety. Then I began talking to God “God, you promised Abraham and Sara a child and you gave it to them, you split the sea to free your people, you used Moses who said he couldn’t but, Lord you said he could so he did! God I feel like Noah, people thought he was crazy…wait, Noah?! You want me to read the story of Noah?!” Even though I knew the story of Noah, God led me to read it again and boy oh boy, I was in awe of it all and as I am writing this I can feel the chills all over my body.
See, God saw the wickedness of the world and for the first time he had regrets over creating human beings. He saw so much wickedness and He was going to wipe away every life from the face of the earth (see Genesis 6:5-7) Noah, on the other hand walked faithfully with God and God found favor in Him. So to spare Noah from the flood He told Noah to create an Ark because he was going to flood the earth. Genesis 6:13 “So God said to Noah, “I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. So make yourself an ark of cypress wood; make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out” Then in Gen 6:17 God said “I am going to bring a floodwaters on the earth to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it, Everything on earth will perish.”
We all know the story but, to me it brought a whole new meaning. There’s 9 days left till launch and $4,500 due in order for me to launch and I STILL BELIEVE! As I begin the process of packing and getting ready to leave the states I am faced with comments such as “GIVE UP! WHAT’S THE POINT? YOU STILL THINK YOU WILL MAKE IT?” I am still fundraising and people think it still crazy for me to do so. I can only imagine what they think “$4,500 ha! In NINE DAYS ha! It won’t happen” and then I picture Noah, who by the way was 500 years old. I picture him day in and day out building an ark because God told him too and because God told Him there will be a flood. People thought Noah was crazy for building the ark, they thought it was nuts to believe that God had spoken to him. Can you imagine a 500 year old man building an ark for a flooding that nobody knew about only him?
I continued reading the story and I resembled a lot with Noah people thought he was crazy for building something no one believed would happen. I am beginning the process of packing when no one believes it will happen. We both believe God and what He said will happen. But, that doesn’t end there. I find hope in this story. Noah, being 500 years old, builds an ark, he believes when others doubted him, he kept working, he kept pressing through. When all the people thought he was crazy he stayed faithful and believed. God can be sneaky, it amazed me how God used my prayer to take me to re-read the story of Noah. Hope. He eased my thoughts; he calmed the storm within me. He is just so dang awesome! God has this, I can only faithfully work and faithfully walk and He will do the rest. God is faithful and He will provide I couldn’t be the person I am now if it wasn’t true.
Along with the story of Noah, I knew I was in for more than just hope. I am still amazed at the way God stop me in the middle of my prayer and laid it on my heart to read the story of Noah. First, I found Hope that no matter how crazy it may seem for others, I still believe God will make it happen. Second, seven stood out to me while reading so to make sure what it meant I texted my friend and her response was just jaw dropping. The number “seven” means completion. Say what? It is completed, it is done, and I don’t have to worry about it. Worry, it leads me to the third thing I found in the story of Noah that brought spirit chills. The Olive leaf the dove plucks, the olive leaf represents “Peace” I mean, seriously, could God have made it any simpler? Peace became mine the day He died on the cross. But, to read it so clearly and to know it was from God it is just mind blowing.
Even, when the people around me don’t believe God isn’t done and even though I sometimes I just want to give up I will hold on to the story of Noah. I will stand firm in the promises of Christ. I will have hope that He has completed what He promised and I will have peace while waiting for the waters to recede. I will have peace while waiting on the Lord. God is a good good father. There is no one like Him.
$4,500 is nothing for the God who created heaven and earth, who keeps His promises, the God who delivers, the one who redeemed me, saved me, and loved me enough to send His only son to die for me. That is the God I believe in and I will not allow any other thought to invade my heart. I know this blog is rather long and if you have made it this far into it, THANK YOU! Please share, please donate, and please pray! To my supporters Thank You I couldn’t have made this far without your generosity and allowing God to stir your hearts to donate. Yes, 9 days and $4,500 and my GOD IS STILL GOOD!
