Hi.
With this blog I hope to do Training Camp justice because in reality there aren’t many words to describe exactly what God did in the past 10 days. I finally was able to meet the group of people I will be traveling the world with and also our teams were built. Before I continue on about training camp I would like to take time to thank from the bottom of my heart the people who made this happen with your prayers and donations. This blog is mainly for you! So once again thank you and I hope you find this blog fulfilling to your spirit.
If someone were to tell me I would make it through Training Camp I would have brushed it off and simply not believe them, but today I can only think “WOW! It is over!” Training Camp has come to pass and has left a warm feeling in my heart. So, you want more details?
Training Camp was all together a beautiful mess. It was messy spiritually, physically, and emotionally. It broke some chains and brought freedom. But, let me tell you about my first moment of being a beautiful mess:
We had been told before we would have a fitness hike in which we would walk 2 miles in 35 minutes with our packs strapped on and in the fullness of my pride I thought to myself “piece of cake!” But, never did I realize that my hike would become more than being physical. I began the hike confident and slowly I saw myself drift further and further to the end and words of discouragement began creeping up, “You wont make it! You aren’t worth it! Who do you think you are? You are selfish! God won’t use you! Give up!” words that resounded again and again. When my body wanted to give up, when my tears would blur my vision, when my lungs were hurting, and all that was within me wanted to give up. I had two voices constantly reminding me that “I AM WORTHY!” the voices of Dawnette and Randy who God used tremendously that day. I felt the peace and comfort of a mother and the strength and encouragement of a father.
Never leaving my side and continuously praying out loud for me and holding my hand through the hike. At the same time I had a group of 40 plus people waiting for me and screaming “You got this! You CAN do this! God is holding you! C’mon Gennesis!” I was a mess, but I was God’s beautiful mess. I finished the hike, but I missed the 35 minute mark by a minute. But I can honestly say I was dropping some burdens along the way because I felt peace so overwhelming that I can’t describe it. I finished, regardless of the pain, difficulty breathing, and all the lies the devil threw at me. God held me in that moment, he cradled me afterwards when I was told I would do it again if I wanted to. I gained so much more, I gained two spiritual parents and I definitely gained more family.
My second beautiful mess moment was the night of walking out in forgiveness. It is amazing to see what God reveals to you when you ask him to do that. There are some people I needed to forgive and I never realized the bondage it had created. I needed to forgive my mother who at one point in my childhood admitted she never wanted a daughter. Though the reasons may have seemed valid, those words were like salt to an open wound. Painful, bitter, and just hard to hear for a young girl. I thought I had forgiven her, but that night it came to me like a cold bucket of water. I couldn’t breathe and it was so uncomfortable. The ugly tears became more real and I became undone. I had to accept God’s forgiveness in order to forgive. So I did, the words “I forgive you!” were like honey. Sweet and rich, so much truth and a release came from those words. I can look at my mom and love her, I can hear the heartache in her words. I no longer see her through my eyes, but through the eyes of my beloved.
Each day passed by and my heart overflowed with God’s love. Realizing I wasn’t the only one struggling and that no matter what I did, I was worthy of God’s love. I am worthy to dream dreams bigger than myself, to love unconditionally. Because when God resides in you so does your ability to love those who you barely met, the unlovables, those the world has deemed unworthy. I learned so much from others in the group and from myself as well. I came back to Texas renewed. I came back with the a bigger and daily yes.
I want to share a prayer I wrote in my journal during personal time:
Take over,
My heart beats faster with every step I take closer to you.
Push me beyond my limit, pass the breaking point.
I no longer desire to be in control of my own ship,
be the captain and I will be your sailor.
Make me a person of visions, a person of dreams.
Make me a person of valor to reach those dreams.
Bring clarity in those foggy frigid nights.
Awake my soul, my heart yearns desperately for you.
Quiet my spirit to hear your whispers.
As deeps calls out to deep, Lord. Take me deeper and deeper into your presence.
I am yours and you are mine. Be my guidance, be my peace.
Be the shelter in the storm. Hold on to me Lord and don’t let go.
I will give you my all, even if it hurts.
Even when the pain is unbearable, I will rejoice because you are near.
I am back home and I can’t believe Training Camp is over. Many lessons I learned, and many friends I gained. This prayer I am sharing came from a place deep in my heart. I am back and I simply don’t know how I feel about that. But, I know God will carry me through it.
