Hello followers! I am not sure how many there are of you out there, but here is my first blog post after experiencing something with the World Race… training camp last week!
Since May 5th, when I graduated, life really has not stopped. After graduation, I went straight to a conference with Reformed University Fellowship (RUF), then on a cross country road trip with a friend from college, and finally to training camp for the World Race in Gainesville, GA. I had absolutely no idea what to expect from training camp because I had not allowed myself to look too much into the camp beforehand (this helped with expectations).
So what was my experience like? Let’s organize it!
Physically
Basically, the camp was 11 days. It was set up and structured to emulate what the experience may be like for the 11-month trip. This means that each day was a different country with different foods, dress codes and cultural habits to be followed. The days consisted of worship, informational sessions, sermon sessions, team building exercises with my squad, and field scenarios. Worship was built in to help us have time with God each day. The sessions covered topics such as fundraising, cultural immersion, blogging, communication and healthy feedback, as well as topics including identity, humility, community, intimacy with God, and many Old Testament stories. In the afternoons, we had field scenarios including different situations we may encounter on the trip such as lost luggage, sleeping in an airport, at a foreign market, hiking with our packs, camping out and cold water bucket showers. I can tell you confidently that I was able to survive without many material items and this simplicity is actually quite freeing!
Emotionally
Training camp was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me. I came into camp quite fragile and anxious about this next step. As some of you may know, I have been struggling with my mental health recently, which makes everything feel not quite normal or understandable. The hardest part for me emotionally was wrestling with God throughout the camp (ie the title of this post). Over the last year, I have been struggling with a seemingly absent God. I have had a very hard time seeing, feeling or experiencing Him in any way and part of my desire to do this program is to find God again. So this camp was the first step to mending things with God. I was forced to be very honest and open with God (which is what I have been avoiding). I lamented to Him, questioned Him, and cried out with a very vulnerable heart. Attempting to engage with Him despite many loud voices of doubt. However, throughout the conflict that I experienced emotionally, many staff members helped me by praying with me, talking with me and just being a loving presence (shout out to Bella, Keith, Courtney, Carson, Karen, and Bill). Thanks to God for sending His love. I am confident that God is breaking me down to build me back up.
Spiritually
Finally, training camp was incredibly challenging spiritually. I have learned that I have intellectualized God quite a bit over the past couple of years, trying to figure out God and this life. I was spiritually mentored by many at this camp and I was consistently told, “this walk with God is not easy.” That sounds so cliché because we always hear this but the words had new meaning this week. Spiritually, I was brought to a point where I could not stand the doubts and questions anymore. I asked myself if I really wanted to follow God. I have not yet been brought to this place before. However, my answer is forever yes (even if I don’t feel it). I have to and I want to because He loves me so much and I cannot deny this. So towards the end of camp, I decided to get baptized again to declare the beginning of a new season with God. A season that will involve fighting for my faith and persevering. A season where I will be open to how God can show up in new ways to me. A season where I do not rely solely on my feelings (or lack thereof) but on my commitment. So this end of training camp was not tied up pretty with a bow, but is real and messy.
And this beautiful mess will be reflected on throughout these blog posts, because that is a life with Christ. Tune in next time. 🙂
Thanks for reading!
PS. Here are some verses that I am currently holding onto.
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
– Jeremiah 17:7-8
I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.
– Isaiah 45:2-3
