Word: Besa. The word besa is the Albanian word for pledge or word of honor.
It has been a couple of weeks since my last post. Since we have a bit less structure this month, I have had more time on my hands to fill it with what I want. So…since the start of this trip, I have discovered my deep interest in research. Whether it is researching things to do in a city, restaurants, the history, the politics, or just things that come to mind! I have had some space to breathe and do the things that I have always wanted to do but never have time for. You know…. the things that end up at the bottom of the list of things to do, and often just get booted off because everything else seems to take precedent.
Well, something on my list of things to do this month has been to research the life and faith of Mother Teresa.
Why?
Well… while looking into the country of Albania before arriving, I saw that on October 19th they celebrate a day for Mother Teresa. I was curious as to why. I quickly learned that Albania is the birthplace of the Roman catholic nun and missionary Mother Teresa. Upon arriving in Tirana, it became obvious that this city is proud of this woman who originated from Albania. The city has a Mother Teresa square, there is a big Mother Teresa hospital, and the international airport is named after her!
I decided to take on a little research project for myself. Throughout this past month, I have read most of her private writings in her book, Come Be My Light. I have watched a film about her called The Letters. I have also visited the National History Museum of Tirana which includes an exhibit on the life of Mother Teresa!
From this research, I wanted to share with you all a little about her life, why I was really interested in her, and why I titled this blog post “besa.”
Who is Mother Teresa?
– Mother Teresa, also known as Saint Teresa of Calcutta, was born in 1910 in the town of Skopje, a former town within the borders of Albania. She lived here until she was 18 and lived the rest of her life in India as a missionary for the poor. In 1946, she felt particularly called by God to serve the poor of Calcutta, India by leaving the walls of the Loretto convent and truly living with the poor. She took on her work as missionary with full force. She became poor with the poor, she opened schools, she opened a hospice for the dying, and did not want any credit or praise for her work. She received a number of awards for her work including the 1979 Nobel Peace Prize. She gave all the praise for her work to God and displayed extreme humility.
Why was I interested in her?
– I felt particularly called to research her life because I have always heard that Mother Teresa was known for her time in darkness or separation from God despite being a committed missionary. Reading some of her private writings in Come Be My Light was really eye opening to me because they explain her deep doubts and struggles in her faith. The letters reveal that this darkness with God lasted for about 50 years of her life. Her priest, Brian Kolodiejchuk said, “She felt no presence of God whatsoever in her heart. She expressed grave doubts about God’s existence and pain over her lack of faith.” This same man drew a comparison between her experience of doubt with the 16th century poem “Dark Night of the Soul.” This poem describes the times of spiritual crisis throughout one’s journey in faith.
I love this quote from one of Mother Teresa’s letters-
“There is so much deep contradiction in my soul. Such deep longing for God – so deep that it is painful – a suffering continual – and yet not wanted by God – repulsed – empty – no faith – no love – no zeal. Souls hold no attraction – Heaven means nothing – to me it looks like an empty place – the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God. Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything. For I am only His…”
Her life and story is intriguing to me. It is scandalous, provocative, and challenging. It is tough to swallow and makes others uncomfortable… I love it!
Her life and story is moving to me because I too have been in a time of what seems like isolation or darkness from God. Ok this might sound dramatic, but the way that Mother Teresa describes this pain is so so similar to my words and prayers to God. A feeling of nothingness. A feeling of contradiction. A deep longing but an emptiness without zeal! Over the last year or so, I have felt this “absence” of God. It just feels confusing, isolating and has created doubt. Just as Mother Teresa experienced this during her time serving the poor in Calcutta, I too feel this separation from God as I am currently serving as a missionary. However, just like Mother Teresa, I feel confident that I am to stand strong and unashamed of this part of my journey. I feel comforted and not so alone by the story of Mother Theresa. I feel inspired by her devoted work for God despite the uncertainty and pain of this absence from God.
What is besa?
First watch this short video!
https://www.facebook.com/nasdaily/videos/2006496849640852/
– The word means a pledge of honor, or a keeping of one’s word. This word is a staple to the culture and people of Albania. I first heard this word in the book Come Be My Light. The book explained that this word is an Albanian word that helped to define the life work of Mother Teresa. It can help to explain her perseverance in faith. A steadfastness and commitment.
I wanted to title this blog “besa” because it is what I wanted to finish my blog with. Together with Mother Teresa, I believe that I am experiencing an absence. On my journey, the night is dark, cold, and confusing, lacking much feeling at all. I feel so deeply comforted by her words and the risk that she took in writing them. They inspire me to continue to be perhaps uncomfortably honest about my faith journey right now.
However, despite this dark night, I hope and pray to carry out my faith this year in the Albanian way. In the spirit of “besa.” I hope to be committed, loyal and unshakable in my faith. Despite the darkness, I hope to work as a missionary just as Mother Teresa did… honest, challenging, and vulnerable, but committed, loyal and steadfast. So thanks for your honesty Mother Teresa. Thanks for being my light of Christ this month. And thanks for being the “bes(t)a.”
Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Some fun helping with an all women’s service, discovering new things in Tirana, and on Mount Dajti!
Talk to you all in Vietnam!
