I don’t even know where to begin with what my month was like last month. I’ve been away from blogging for awhile really trying to process everything and this is where I’ve ended up. Last month my team and I lived with a Gypsy family in Romania and it was such an experience. It was one of the hardest months I’ve ever had in my life where I felt closer to God than I ever have in my whole life andddd at the same time the furthest I’ve ever been from God.
When we got off the train something just wasn’t right about the situation and I immediately felt a sense of uneasiness and a darkness that I couldn’t explain if I tried. I kept praying for God to give me answers and let me know what to do with issues that kept coming up and I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. Ministry for the first few days felt nonexistent and the general mood was frustration, anger and depression. There was major miscommunication between us and our contacts on a daily basis and I was doing everything in my power to fix the situations that were arising.
It got to the point one day where I had nothing left and realized there was nothing I could do to fix it. It’s one of the first times in my life that I’ve been in a situation that I couldn’t talk or work my way out of and I was absolutely exhausted and upset just feeling useless. I was at the lowest point I’ve probably ever been or atleast close to it. I told God that if he was able to redeem the situation I would consider it a mini-miracle to almost a full fledged miracle. For the situation we were in to be redeemed would honestly rival healing a sickness or raising someone from the dead in my book.
Then came “the day” or my turning point and it honestly marks a big turning point in my life in general. I will talk about it more in depth later but God revealed Himself to me like never before and I fell head over heels in love. I could say for probably the first time in my life that I truly LOVED God and mean it. It increased my faith in Him like nothing else has ever done in my life and I just put all the faith I had in Him to redeem the situation.
Over the next few weeks God started working everyday to chip away at the walls I had built up over the week along with walls that were built up by those around me and it culminated in God absolutely redeeming the situation and rescuing me. It put new meaning in my life as to what it means to be saved. Jesus has SAVED me…rescued me from a broken place and restored and healed me all the while promising that I can spend forever with Him. For so long I longed for heaven because of what it offered with streets of gold and mansions but for the first time I realized that I could care less about any of that if I can spend eternity in that love that I experienced “that day”. I have never experienced anything like it before and I crave everyday to be able to sit in His presence in that love again.
