I received the call that anyone would dread receiving while being on the other side of the world. My brother, who is 33 years old, was rushed in for emergency brain surgery because of swelling and bleeding in his brain. WHAT!? is the first thing that came to my mind as I tried to register what I just heard. My stomach dropped as the tears rolled down my cheeks, “This can’t be happening! I am on the other side of the world, and I am not there to be with him and my family during this difficult time.” The only thing I wanted to do was pack up my bags and go home.
The sense of fear, helplessness, doubt, and many questions started to pour into my mind. The thousands of questions why my brother’s journey of life has been the way it has been. He was born with a rare kidney disease called Alports Syndrome, already had one kidney transplant and is in need of another one, had two hip replacements, and has given up on his passion of dance/theatre and on life. He has been through a lot these past 13 years, and to see him in such pain and to suffer the way he has hurts me a lot.
It hard to admit, and I know many would never admit, but in those moments my faith is tested and my hope in things getting better dims. After cycle of cycle of pain and struggles in our lives we sometimes lose sight of the “wide lens picture” of why we go through the things we go through. We first turn to what we may have done wrong to deserve why we are going through the things we are going through, that God is punishing us, that we have stumbled in our walk with the Lord and we are not pursuing Him enough, or many other things that come against what it means to be redeemed by His blood. In 1 Corinthians 13:13 it says faith, hope, and love will always remainwalk in the three things that remain in Jesus; Faith, Hope, and Love. In that moment I admit I felt weak, defeated, and hurt. I felt my faith has been strong, and I see now that when things come to try to break the foundation of my faith and what I know is Truth and Life must stand firm. Yes, it was shaken and tested a little, but I know of the Truth and Love that comes from my Father.
I started doubting why God has sent me on this trip and why He would allow these struggles to happen to my brother and family. Not only have I sacrificed a lot to be here, I worked for every penny I have raised to stay here, and I am in still in need of the remainder. So I had a moment where I wanted to say, “Send me home, and I can be with my family,” not remembering the commitment and call accepted 7 months ago, But then I was reminded that this is not about me or what I want or feel is best for my life at this time. I have not bared anything close to what God has bared for me. Not only was Jesus perfect, He sacrificed himself for me, an imperfect person.
It changes your whole perspective of when asking God to make us more like Him. How much of that do we really mean? Are we willing to go through trials, tribulations, and pain and continue to walk with a boldness knowing that God is in control and this is only for a little while? Things get a little rough in our lives and we lose sight of Jesus in the midst of the storms, tornadoes, and even things that feel like tsunamis in our lives. Missing that in those times is where we can practice and perfect becoming more like Christ, and how after those things how we have grown more in the character of our Father. Look at everything that happens in our lives as a challenge that you know you will have victory in, and that at the end you will be stronger then going in.
So please keep my brother, my family and me in your prayers! God is good!
Resting in this scripture: I Peter 1:6-9
Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, ye have been put to grief in manifold trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold that perisheth though it is proved by fire, may be found unto praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ: whom not having seen ye love; on whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice greatly with joy unspeakable and full of glory: receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.
