She suppressed all feelings inside of her to go night-by-night giving men what they wanted. She knew they only wanted something from her and she gave them just what they wanted. She didn’t see her beauty anymore or know her identity anymore; she was just a mere object. Her heart was made of stone because she built such a barrier around it so no one would or could hurt her anymore. So Hosea, a farmer, saw her walking the street one-day and something in his spirit jumped for her. He saw her not as a prostitute, but as a beautiful woman that God created that is so precious. God told him to marry her, so he went in time and time again to see her, and he never asked anything from Angel other than to go with him and marry him. She couldn’t see why this man would want to marry her and why she should hope for anything more than what her life has been and is.
As I am reading this story it is opening my eyes to what walls I have placed up around my heart from keeping others from getting close to me or loving me. It’s like I have forgotten who created me, and created me perfectly and wonderfully. I have walked into an identity that wasn’t designed for me. I have forgotten what the Father’s love looks like and how to allow others to express that same love towards me. So, what do I do? I believe the enemy’s lies that I have to place this wall of defense around me to protect me from others, because they are only trying to hurt me whether it’s with harsh words, judgment, never feeling worthy enough, or that things will change sooner or later where things that were once good, will all change for the worse. So it’s like I am preparing or protecting myself from these things. Whether it is with friends, family, or relationships, I only offer and give so much so just in case those things get taken away or turns bad I wont get too hurt, and it wont effect me, or I think. I would act this same way towards God, saying I won’t pray certain things because if I do and He doesn’t answer me, it wont hurt me so bad, or I wont feel a certain way about it. So I figured I could just give a little bit of myself to God, and only let Him in to certain areas of my heart I will be okay just fine.
Just like Angel in this story I have gone through some hurt and pain in my life either from people, situations, and events that have occurred and I figure if I get to a place inside of me to suppress any feelings it will protect me from ever feeling those things again. But now I have sunk so deep in that place that I don’t know how to let others in, accept and believe when good things are said to me, and know when other genuinely love and want the best for me. I would sometimes think others would say good things to me out of obligation instead of love, and only spoke things, but actions never lined up. I never thought I would be able to relate to a prostitute, but just like Angel in the story, even though our stories are very different, we both have to have an identity change. A change that can only come from the Father, and a love that can only flow through Him and His spirit, and a change that can only be done through our trust and faith in Him.
We must first identify and receive the love from the Father, recognize that we are made in His image. When we come to Him we are washed clean from our sins and are now new creatures, and our minds are renewed. We are to trust and to walk in that. We must know our new identity in Christ, and that we should receive and accept all the love He has for us, and we don’t have to be defensive towards Him or anyone else. He has placed people in our lives to love us, challenge us, and to allow His spirit to speak from us, and be able to receive that love from others with our heart open and bear. It doesn’t mean that we will never go through hard times in our lives and that we wont be hurt by others, it just shows that through God’s blood we are redeemed. We have been given grace and mercy, and that His loves has power over all things. Just like Hosea, God continues to pursue us even if we don’t understand why He continues to fight after someone like us.
Continue to pray for me and my journey, God is revealing himself to me more and more! I am so blessed to be in the house of the Lord! There is no other place I'd rather be! Amen!
