As I posted in my previous blog, I was having some difficulty raising support and I needed $300.00 in my account to before Dec. 31 or I would be sent home.
I knew that through this I was supposed to be obedient and that the money was going to come in; but from where?
My father had offered to pay for the remainder of my support.
It was my answer to prayer! or was it? Strangely I felt torn. Did God want me to accept my fathers generosity?
I believed that the Lord was challenging me to step out and to believe Him to provide for me through other means.
But Lord how? I had already told what felt like everyone I knew, about my financial need; and tapped all resources. But had I really?
That night, as it was New Year’s Eve, I went to the fireworks. I did not have the 300 in my account and I felt I should not accept my fathers money.
I came back from the fireworks early January 1st, and I not only had what I needed but 100 dollars more! Yeah!
Still, I felt that I was to believe God for more. So the next day I fasted and prayed in belief that other funds would come in.
If I believe my earthly father wants to give to me and care for me; why do I not believe this about my Heavenly Father? I almost felt guilty for asking, with so many people around me with so many more pressing needs. I felt like this wasn’t really on the top of the priority list. But, behind all this “not feeling worthy” was just my old nemesis pride as well as a faulty mind set. I didn’t want to admit that I had a need; or that I may need someone else to help me out. Im a missionary, Im supposed to be helping others, right? I have to be strong, stable, secure.
There is no separation. I need God, I need others.
Everyone else needs God, they need others.
We are all children of God, we are all in the same boat, we just have different looking oars.
What the heck does it mean to be poor in spirit? How can your spirit be poor, and why and how are the poor blessed?
I never really understood until now what Jesus meant when He said blessed are the poor in spirit.
It is an attitude of knowing and acknowledging that one has a need and needs others; and most importantly it is a recognized need for God.
Humility is one of the keys to the kingdom of God.
How can we seek and be expectant for His Kingdom to come if we really don’t believe we need it?
If I do not believe my problems are significant for God, then how can I teach others that He cares for their needs?
My friend Brady told me she had a friend who was going to put some money into my account and she wanted to know if I had checked it yet. I hadn’t so I went to check it out. I opened my account to find that I had received $2,500.00 in 2 days!!! The majority of the money was anonymous and the rest from those I did not even know! I was blown away. Before it had been a struggle to raise support, and here it is staring me in the face!
Now I still have $1,000.00 left to raise in support. I know many might question why the full amount hasn’t come in? I know that it will; but the Lord wants me to continue to trust that this is where He wants me and that He is going to provide!
On the day that all this took place, I was “randomly” passing by a book shelf and this skinny little book caught my eye. It was called “Theirs Is The Kingdom, Celebrating the Gospel in Urban America” by Robert Lupon. I began reading many of the vignettes He wrote about life and practical living and they spoke to me; but one in particular (entitled: We Belong To Each Other) jumped off the page. It solidified in my mind exactly what I had been mulling over the last week. As there is no real good use in reinventing the wheel I will just let you read it for yourself:
“Grey hair bushing out beneath her knit cap, she appeared to be in her late fifties. With one hand she tightly held a large purse that looked like a shopping bag; with the other she persistently knocked on the church door. She was visible through the security glass as the pastor and I walked down the hall, our early meeting on homelessness still stuck in our minds.
The pastor greeted her with as much compassion possible for a busy urban leader running late for his next meeting. “Are you here for clo—–?”
“No, no.” The woman interrupted him before he could finish the sentence. Her countenance fell. “Im here to help sort clothes.” But the damage had already been done. The spirit that moved this woman to spend her morning energy to help to clothe others was wounded. A simple error. Understandable. Unwitting. Irreversible.
“It is more blessed to give than to receive,” said Jesus. But for this woman the blessedness of rising early to give to others was marred as her identification as a recipient. Her face reflected the hurt of lost self esteem.
Receiving is a humbling matter. It implies neediness. It categorizes one as one being worse off than the giver. Perhaps this is why we tend to reserve for ourselves the more blessed position.
In recent years I have been troubled by the lack of authenticity of the haves and the have-nots in our inner-city congregation. The woman in the grey cap may be showing me where our difficulty lies.
I came to the city to serve those in need. I have resources and abilities to clothe the ill clad, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless. These are good works that our Lord requires of us. And there is blessedness in this kind of giving. But there is also a power that allows me to retain control. My position as a helper protects me from the humiliation of appearing to need help. Even more sobering I condemn those I help to the permeant role of recipient.
When my goal is to change people, I subtly communicate: something is wrong with you; I am okay. You are ignorant; I am enlightened. You are wrong; I am right. Of our relationship is defined by healer to patient, I must remain strong and you must remain sick for are interaction to continue. People do not go to doctors when they are well.
The process of “curing,” then, cannot serve long as the basis for a relationship that is life producing for both parities. Small wonder that we who have come to the city to “save” the poor find it difficult to enter into true community with those we think needy.
“It takes everyone of us to make His body complete, for we each have different work to do. So we belong to each other, and each needs all the others.” (Romans 12:4,5)
I need the poor? For what? The question exposes my blindness. I see them as weak ones to be rescued, not as bearers of the treasure of the Kingdom. The dominance of my giving overshadows and stifles the rich endowments the Creator has invested in those I consider destitute. I overlook what our Lord saw clearly when He proclaimed the poor to be especially blessed because theirs is the kingdom of God (luke 6:20). I selectively ignore the truth that monied, empowered, and learned ones enter his kingdom with enormous difficulty. The community into which Christ invites us is one of inter-dependance. We are called to mutual sharing and the discovery of gifts God has concealed in the unlikeliest among us. And to those who consider themselves leaders, our Lord offers humility – the salvation of the proud that comes from learning to receive from the least, who are the greatest in the kingdom.”
We all belong to each other. We all have needs, and we all have gifts to give. My prayer is that we would embrace both of these roles.
