In one of my earlier posts I talked a little about how I struggle with trusting other people. Well sometimes I also struggle with trusting God.
A few weeks ago I was finding it particularly difficult to trust that everything is going to work out. I was feeling crazy overwhelmed with school, work, World Race planning, and on top of it I have been fighting off an awful cough. I was barely trudging through my last few classes as last week came to a close and I started my spring break.
See I’ve been using my school breaks as time to focus on accomplishing things for the Race and most of that planning involves money right now. Something I, as a college student that is not working very much, do not have much of. But one night last week I was just sitting quietly thinking and I got this picture in my head of trust falls, that team-building exercise that requires you to have completely and utter faith that the person behind you will catch you when you fall.
As I was thinking all this through I felt that this was a picture of the World Race and this year of preparation. This whole thing is an exercise of trust. An exercise of trust in learning how to be completely honest with my squad mates and also a lesson in relying on God more than I have at any other point in my life.
This week I had two experiences in particular that showed me I am most assuredly not walking this path by myself and that I can trust someone will be there to catch me when I fall.
On Tuesday of last week I reached and passed the amount of $1,000 in fundraising. When looking at it in comparison to $16, 000 it doesn’t seem like a lot, but when I saw that number I just felt this sense of peace. I had known that if God wanted me to go on this trip He would provide, but it all seems more concrete now. I believed God would provide, now He is eradicating those parts of me that are struggling with unbelief. And that is so amazing and cool to me!
Then earlier this week a friend of mine was in a minor car accident. Nothing major, but still a little scary. I was siting in bed praying for him when my iPod went off with a message from our squad group chat. Normally I wouldn’t ask for prayer about things, but that night I asked all of my squad mates to pray that my friend would be alright. It was so uplifting and encouraging to me when there was an overwhelming response from these people I barely know saying “yes! Of course we’ll pray for him”. They have no connection to this person except through me and yet they didn’t even hesitate.
I think what I always hated most about trust falls was the vulnerability. That feeling that you can no longer rely on yourself alone. I always thought being vulnerable was a bad thing. That it set me up to be hurt in ways I might not recover from. However I’m learning, both in my relationship with God and in these new friendships, that vulnerability and honesty are the only places where things are truly able to grow.
