the beginning of the month I was in a funk…and I can admit that I was having a hard time being excited about this ministry, most days. I absolutely love working with kids, but this month has been a struggle to drag myself out of bed to the preschool–even to see Junior’s cute smile or hear his adorable laugh, or see Hlelo and his feisty three year old Mohawk, or even to hug sweet Boniswa. Perhaps it is homesickness mixed with feeling like my time here is being wasted…maybe that’s just one big fat lie.
Actually it is one big fat lie.
But truth be told, there were moments when this nomadic life just wasn’t that exciting anymore. It had lost some of the newness. It had become tiring.
I still love traveling. And I know that I am beyond blessed to be on this journey.
But this is more than just traveling.
Its moving to different countries constantly and ministering–pouring out your heart and soul to people–everyday.
Its starting from scratch every month, living out of a backpack and being denied many basic comforts that you would have had back at home.
Its wearing one of your three tshirts for the fourth time that week and feeling like a slob because everyone around you looks so fashionable.
Its taking showers once a week and begging the weak, racer-loaded wifi to go a little faster so tha you can send your parents a short message before your 30minute limit runs out.
Its learning to be ok with the downtime and finding ways to make it productive.
Its sweating through your clothes no matter if your are outside laboring under the literally blistering sun, or lying as still as your can in your tent hoping to catch a cool breeze.
Its bathing in a bucket only to find that your feet are once again covered in dirt by the time you reach your tent and sweat has already begun to bead on your body.
Its learning that everybody poops so its not that big of a deal when kids wave at you as you sit on your open toilet that has a view of the road.
Its eating food that people kindly prepare for you, even when you know it will probably make you sick.
Its constantly being surrounded by people –where being alone looks like putting in headphones and facing the wall or zipping up your tent.
Its trying to learn and remember a million new names that are so different from your own, until your head feels like it might explode from information overload.
Its saying YES to ministry each waking morning even when every fiber of your being just watns to stay in bed and have a personal day.
Its pushing through the dry seasons.
Its enjoying the fruitful seasons.
Its being broken and realizing that that’s ok because God is there to pick up the pieces amd make a better you–a you that looks even more like Jesus; a you that’s even more in love with Jesus and even more dependent on Him than before.
So yes, this is more that just traveling. More than adventure.
THIS IS THE RACE
This month, I’ve been reminded a lot about my experiences running Tough Mudder races. Running is tiring. Running makes your feet hurt. Running makes you out of breath. Running makes muscles you didn’t even know you had, ache. But the beauty of it is that it makes you feel
ALIVE
Maybe that’s just it. Its month eight of the race. Eight countries later, and I’m feeling out of breath. Things have gotten messy. I’m feeling the discomfort, the ache. I need some electrolytes, quick, because I feel that I might faint.
I may be in a funk–scratch that, was in a funk–but this funk forced me to see how desperately I really do need to rely on the Lord for strength. He is my strength and perseverance–the one who satisfies my thirst. Even in the stillness, I know that He breathes new life into me when I think that I cannot go on any longer.
I CANNOT, cannot run this race without Him. And I wouldn’t want to.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who put their trust in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. // Isaiah 40:30-31
