I am sitting at the computer trying to type something worthwhile.
I keep starting over because for some reason, I think I have to write a story that people will read and think, Wow, the race looks like tons of fun and Gabby is really going on some crazy adventures and telling tons of people about God.
But that wouldn’t be the reality.
While sitting here, starting over my blog numerous times, God told me to be authentic.
So, here we are. And the honest truth that I want to share with you today is that the race is not always beautiful. We all long to share the beautiful parts because it will look good for the people back home. But, the race is hard.
You have to leave home and every single comfort to pursue a kingdom mindset with a team of people that you just met. Just that right there can mess with your emotions. However, add on language barriers, countries far away from home, health issues, spiritual warfare, tons of learning, longing to make a difference and SEE it, and so much more.
“The World Race isn’t for everyone.” This was the title of an email I read months before choosing to go on the race. The email scared me away at first because it was everything I was telling God I didn’t want to pursue. I just wanted to go on the familiar path, the path that everyone goes on. I wanted to go to college, get a job, and just continue going to church and hanging out with Christian friends. I just wanted to keep everything the same that I had it for 18 years. I loved the life that I had too much. While reading the email, it said that I’d come back completely transformed, that my entire worldview would be shifted, that it isn’t a 9 month vacation or a constant adventure, that I will be “thrown into constant, 24/7, messy, hard, uncomfortable, Raw Christian Community.” And all of that scared me. I am a person who hates showing emotion and being thrown into constant mess would really bring out my real emotions to others.
Truthfully, I have struggled finding rest to actually process my emotions. So, as of now, I am just really unsure of what I am feeling. Hopefully at debrief, I will be able to process with God what I am feeling because I feel like if I knew how to feel my emotions, I would see greater levels of what God is teaching me. Right now, I know some the things He is teaching me so far and I have peace about what is going on, I just really need to work on processing emotion.
And that’s what I have on my mind for this morning.
*Also, please be in continued prayer for my teammate, Savanah, as she is stuck in bed sick. It has been really hard for her. She has had fevers, aches, weakness, rashes, etc. Please be in prayer for healing for my sweet teammate.
