During my race, I have struggled with the devil telling me that being humble is being shy. Honestly, most of my life has been like that. The devil took my quietness and shifted it into something to use against me when God was doing big things that He wanted to invite me into. I thought that humility was not speaking my mind and instead, being quiet and merely listening to others. In this, I have developed a fear of rejection and speaking my opinion. I have painfully learned that my version of “humility” is actually pride.
While being on the race, God has invited me into so much. He has invited me to pray for people and to go crazy in worship and so much more. In my fear of being rejected or saying something wrong, I have told God, “No, not this time.” He has given me grace through every no thanks, however, I have been reminded over and over again that with great risk comes great reward. If I push through any fear and do whatever God is inviting me into, He has continuously told me that He will deliver me.
Yesterday, I stepped out in faith to ask for something I’ve needed for so long, and He delivered me so beautifully.
Many times through my life, I have felt physically sick from the way that the devil made me feel. I would feel so unseen and unheard and would back down from giving my opinions and then the devil would attack me on all levels. Yesterday, I had a bad stomach ache in worship and was praying for it to go away. I worshipped God with my whole heart and forgot about the pain. Then, it came back so sharp. God then told me, “Hey Gabby, remember, with great risk comes great reward. Take this step to get prayer for your fear and I will deliver you so beautifully.” I simply said, “I can’t Lord. What will they think of me? What if I stutter? What if I start talking and they can’t hear me over the music?” So many what ifs.
Then, with the grace of God, He set it up so perfectly for me to have the time to speak. Kirsten, one of my squad members, got up and said that she was working with God on getting freedom and that she felt God saying to invite others into that freedom; and there was my chance. I spoke up and asked for prayer for freedom from fear. My entire squad surrounded me and as they were praying bold prayers over me, tears started pouring out of my eyes and my legs were shaking. After the prayer, three other people asked for prayer for freedom from fear. Then, the song “No Longer Slaves” was playing and I just walked out to the field and wept to God with thanksgiving. I cried out, “LORD, thank you for freeing me. I’ve been trying to get to this point for so long but fear had me chained so tightly. Thank you Lord. Thank you.”
I know that it isn’t easy to step out in boldness because I experience the choice every single day. I have said no thanks to God too much and don’t want that reality in my relationship with God anymore. So, after He had to convince me many times last night, I finally stepped out and got the prayer I needed to be free from fear. After worship, we turned on fast music and as a squad we worshipped God with dancing and shouting and running. It was so beautiful to see the church rejoicing over the release of fear in our squad.
Thank you Lord so much for deliverance.
With great risk comes great reward. If we desire to grow in our relationship with God, risks must be taken. And you know what, He will never let you fall; you have nothing to lose.
Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.”
1 John 4:18 “Perfect Love Casts Out All Fear”
Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer.”
