Earlier this week, I got a text from my older sister that said that the only good thing about me being gone is that she and Lana (my younger sister) are getting closer. I was in such a bad mood that day and getting this text hurt me when it shouldn’t have. I was FaceTiming Lana at that time and I told her I couldn’t talk anymore. She was so confused and I just ended the conversation badly.
I talked it through with God and He revealed to me that what is happening back home is exactly what I prayed for. He said that I asked Him to give my family peace and that is exactly what He intends to do. When He reminded me of that, I started to realize that being needed is something I never want to long for. The definition of need is to require (something) because it is essential or very important rather than just desirable. Come on, why would I want people to need me? Sure, I want people to love me and want me, but need me, no thanks.
For the longest time, I just hoped and prayed that people would need me. I wanted to make sure that if I left, people would notice and start to feel sad if I was gone.
And now, looking at this situation, if I was needed (which I’m not), my friends and family would be in tears and wouldn’t be at peace regarding my absence. I don’t want that. I love the fact that they are growing and becoming closer in their relationships with each other and with God.
You know, sometimes God calls you away for a season to allow others to grow in a way that they sometimes wouldn’t with you there. Either way, life continues and people grow. God is a man at work in the lives of others and there’s no stopping Him. He is longing for deeper connections with people all over and is calling people to not only desire Him, but need Him.
And that is currently the wild journey that I am on with my Heavenly Father…
I don’t ever want to be needed… but I need my Father.
