February 8, 2019
While being in Africa, I have often caught myself being apathetic. Life here gets boring, if I’m being honest. At home when I get bored, I can hang out with a friend, go drive around, listen to loud music, play sports, go run errands, etc. Here, my limited amount of choices has caused me to become bored and in that, I have doubted that God has the power to move in the usual.
Yesterday, I started my day kind of terribly. I woke up, did my morning prayer and skipped devotions. Then, I decided to take out my computer to start a movie. During these three months in Africa, watching movies has become a way for me to numb homesickness and it has also been a very unhealthy way of dealing with boredom. In the first 15 minutes of the movie, my leader came into the room and asked me if I wanted to join her in her Thursday morning extended prayer time. Through that invitation, God started to convict me of my apathy. I told my leader, “Yes,” and said I’d be out soon. I went out to the back of the compound to start my prayer time. The time I spent that morning praying was amazing. I spent 2 hours praying for my family and for the squad. I also had an amazing time just walking back and forth on the compound and worshipping God in-between praying. During this time, one of our hosts, Mergersa, came up and asked me if I could help two girls my age study after lunch. I was so excited for this opportunity. The way I saw it was that God was giving me more opportunities to serve Him because I chose to get out of my room full of apathy and simply step out to see what He has in store. So, after lunch, I went out to study with the girls and it was such a good time. Along with that, God gave me an opportunity to help out an old woman. While teaching, this woman came up to the two girls and I and asked for us to help her cut her ring off of her severely swollen finger. I was able to pray over her finger and then help her alongside our hosts to clean up her infection and get money together to send her to the hospital. In that time, I didn’t see any miraculous healing, but I was flattered that God let me be a part of helping her out. Yesterday, I chose to deny apathy and choose into whatever God had next.
However, apathy is still a killer. Day to day, I have to fight it all over again. It has been hard because I desire to leave Africa knowing I put my whole heart in, but, there are days when I am just sick of doing the same thing. Through yesterday’s experience, I have been reminded that when you fight apathy to do something you may think is usual, God will do the unusual. It’s not every day that you get to sit with God in extended prayer and hear from Him, meet two new friends and help them study, or help out an older woman whose finger is swollen, infected, and in need of medical care. Yesterday was a great reminder that when I choose to fight apathy and boredom, God will go out of His way to open doors to show me what I’ve been missing. I am still journeying through denying apathy and cannot say I have completely gotten rid of it yet. To help myself be more present and more willing to do the usual, I will be trying to remind myself when I get bored or tired that God will move however He chooses. And that if I don’t get up out of the pit, I will never get to experience the new thing He has among the usual tasks and activities.
