I’m about to get super metaphorical up on this blog, but stick with me. I absolutely know for a fact that the Lord speaks to me through my impulses. They’re something that I used to describe as “Deja Vu” moments, but with discernment, I’ve learned that it is literally one of the most obvious ways that He uses to communicate with me.
Here’s an example for you:
The day that I got my nosed pierced, I hadn’t put any forethought into it. It was a spur of the moment idea that popped into my head and I had no explanation as to why. A month later, I applied and got accepted to the World Race. One of my initial thoughts was, “Not one person here is going to have any piercings or tattoos.” (I have both.) Come to find out, almost everyone on the World Race has a tattoo or piercing – or both. And I kid you not, over half of the girls launching with Gap Year had their noses pierced. It was something so small; and maybe for most unnoticeable, but in my heart I knew that the Holy Spirit gave me the impulse to pierce my nose as an affirmation that this is where I’m supposed to be.
The other day I got another one of my affirmation impulses from the Lord.
During morning session, we spoke about Vulnerability and Shame. The things that we’ve all experienced as humans, but never want to talk about. For a long time at least, it’s been something that I resisted to confront because of my own pride. And as I was sitting there, listening to our squad leaders boldly share their own shame stories and how they found redemption in the Lord, I could hear Him saying: Go deeper. But I wasn’t sure what He meant at that point.
Fast forward a couple hours later:
Morgan and I were walking back from town and we’re about 3 minutes away from the hostel when I looked over and said: “Morgan, I think I have to pee. But I can hold it until we get back”. (I was so so so wrong about that). We start to ascend up the hill to our hostel when I felt it, the urge to pee was so strong that I couldn’t move. I tried so hard to hold it in while also frantically screaming “MORGAN ITS COMING. I CANT STOP IT. IM ABOUT TO PEE, ITS COMING.” There was no way I was going to make it to a bathroom or even take another step. I literally peed my pants. Y’all there was so much dang pee. I looked at Morgan and asked: “Can you see it?” But at this point she was laughing uncontrollably and that’s when I noticed that we were attracting the attention of a younger couple passing by. I don’t even know if they knew the full extent of what was happening, but our laughter was encouraging laughter from them. And to be honest, in the moment I got embarrassed. Even though it was something that couldn’t have been prevented and was so funny, I ran back to my room to hide.
Then I took a shower.
SIDE NOTE: One of my favorite times to talk to Jesus is in the shower.
I was rinsing the pee off my body; talking to Jesus, when He said “Go Deeper” and I had one of those ‘AHA moments’. Like WHAT?? I PEED MYSELF???. It wasn’t one where I got any notice or signals from my body prior to it happening. It was so spontaneous and there was nothing I could do to hold it. And guys, I promise you I haven’t peed my pants since elementary school. But the Lord was like “Gabby, this is what I want you to do with your shame. I don’t want you hold it in, I want you to lay it at my feet.” And in the moment when I began to pee, I felt super vulnerable, and I was embarrassed, and a little ashamed that I had peed.
But Jesus calls us to be vulnerable and to not be embarrassed when we call out our shame.
Going Deeper for me means leading in my vulnerability. Not settling for the surface level stuff, but constantly going deeper. Feeling safe in the space that I’m in and giving my shame up to the Lord, because it’s not mine. I’ve learned that the Lord wants me to be a facilitator in the susceptible moments, and to share the broken parts of my story that He has redeemed.
A couple of prayer requests:
– I’m writing from Ukraine – Yay!! Pray for unity within my team as we’re learning how to love and live with one another.
– We’ve got an EXCITING month of ministry ahead of us, so pray for connections. That’d we’d make relationships with the people in this area and that through our relationships we’d lead them to Christ.
– Lastly, pray for vulnerability. That the conversations that we have this month (either as a team or with Ukrainians) are real and raw.
Thank You for your Love!!!!!
Gabby
