I’ve heard it said before that the devil’s greatest trick is convincing people that he doesn’t exist. Many times we use this to refer to non-believers. As they stay out all night living wildly, doing drugs and the like without an inkling of a thought to the sly, dangerous all-consuming beast handing them that next beer. Waiting for his chance to close the door on the gold plated trap he set for them. But what about with believers? Those that walk past the person in need, looking at every nook and cranny of the space around that person instead of at them. Simply trying to get home to their sofa with little to no wrinkles in the imaginary world of bliss they have cocooned themselves in. The devil is so slick he makes us all forget he is there lurking and waiting to devour us, non-believers and believers alike.
In my case the devil has been hitting me left and right lately and he knows how to hit me. He doesn’t get me physically because that I can just shake off and keep it moving. He hits me in my mind which blinds my faith and leaves me floundering in the darkness. As you all know I am attempting to fundraiser for the World Race and I knew it would be a hard process, but man it can be a kick in the teeth sometimes.
I truly despise having to ask people for things. I feel like it gives them a bit of control over me and of course it puts my plans in their hands. If they don’t help I don’t go. I want to do what I want when I want to do it. And despite the many yes’s that I have received it always seems like the no’s take over my brain. I can’t help be hit with thoughts like, “how can you say you can’t help when you literally didn’t even wait to hear what I need” or “you should be all for helping a young person like myself who wants to go out and do something radical for God”. In moments like this I am so glad the world is in God’s control and not mine.
When I am still enough to listen he reminds me of everything I need to know. First, yes this is HARD!!! That was exactly the point of why I wanted to do this in the first place. I can’t make this happen on my own. I can only do it if God moves people’s hearts to help. So if this doesn’t happen then it wasn’t meant to be. My job is to present people with the opportunity to help and it’s in God’s hands after that. People telling me no is not some personal attack on me, but simply the unfolding of a plan much bigger than I can even imagine. I am of the opinion that when we ask God for virtuous characteristics he doesn’t just wave and wand and give them to us. It’s more along the lines of, you want some patience, here is a 2 hour line to wait in. You want to rely on God and have faith in his plan, well here is a race you can only complete with fundraising.
Second, the heart is what matters most. Proverbs 16:2 “All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, But the LORD weighs the motives.” In my mind I am going on this trip to serve and love those in the countries I will be visiting. But how am I supposed to do that when I harbor ill feelings towards those I am in contact with now that I feel aren’t helping me in the way that I want to he helped. I can’t go and dislike those here and then expect to be in another country and my heart to just suddenly be filled with love. Michael Jordan didn’t become the great player he was overnight. He practiced day in and day out. Where I am today is my practice for my future. The habits I create now will follow me to the World Race and beyond.
So to God I say, thank you Father for the lesson. I am still learning and I appreciate all that you do to mold me into the amazing woman I have the potential to be. To those who have given to me so far I say thank you for your help getting me one step closer to my goal. Literally I cannot do this without you. To those of you who have decided not to give I say thank you so much because you have also been a key component in my spiritual growth. You have helped me lean more into God than if everything went completely smoothly. At the end of the day if this trip happens it will be all that much sweeter, because I will know that it was all God and nothing less.
The entire purpose of this trip is to help me grow closer to God. To cling to him. To be broken and opened by him. To grow in my empathy, mercy, love, and grace. That purpose is for every part of this trip from beginning to end. Meaning from fundraising until I step foot back on US soil at the end.
So thank you guys! I love you so much. Each and every one of you is bringing me closer to God in your own way.
