I wish I could tell you that this blog includes an encouraging story or a redeeming ending, but unfortunately it doesn’t.
I wish I could tell you that my life is perfect here in Malaysia and that I am absolutely in love with it, but unfortunately I’m not.
Over the past couple of weeks God has broken and burdened me more than I think he ever has.
I started becoming homesick
I would go almost a whole day without true laughter or a real smile
I didn’t love or pursue my teammates the way I should have
I lost sight of who I was and what my purpose for being here is
I was burdened for the people of this country and broken because I couldn’t do anything about it
I was burdened for my teammates but broken because I didn’t know how to help
God has humbled me through this whole process.
He has taken away everything comfortable and replaced it with Him instead.
He has taken away all control and has made me replace it with faith instead.
A few nights ago as I was worshipping on the balcony the Lord told me exactly what to do..
Pray.
If your heart is broken, pray
If you heart is burdened, pray
If you want a heart for this town, pray for it.
If you want to love your teammates, pray for them.
If you want your joy back, stop handing it over to the enemy and pray to receive it again.
I wish I could say that after that night everything is perfect again, but it still isn’t.
It won’t ever be.
But the Lord is perfect, good, and so faithful.
Brokenness isn’t pretty. Actually it’s scary.
But I believe it’s where the Lord wants us, so that He can show us what true dependance on Him looks like.
Even when this journey is hard and I don’t understand it, one thing remains constant: how beautiful it is.
