In my last blog, I posted about some Jesus-loving people we met in China. And I talked a little bit about Life is Ministry and Ministry is life. Check it out here —>> https://friedarenee.theworldrace.org/post/great-walls-to-china-part2
And I’ve still spent a lot of time thinking about that concept. Especially as I wrap up my time on the World Race as an alumni leader. A few days ago, I was texting someone telling them about this last month on the Race for me (I am now reunited with the other alumni team leaders and we are our own team. We’re doing a lot of processing but also have had the opportunity to work with some amazing local people— more info on that to come!). And the person I was talking to responded with:
“I would have thought with you co I got home so soon, you would have more work instead of less. I don’t know, I would think that being a missionary requires you to work more than rest— leaving an imprint in all of those who cross your path and make an impact for God!! It’s not supposed to be easy.”
As I was reading that, I felt very unsettled by those words. And I realized that I’ve learned a few things in the past 15 months since I started on this journey. And I realized these things because I had to wrestle with God about them. Because, about a year ago, that text message would’ve probably reflected my line of thinking and, instead, this message shook me up.
Because, aren’t we all called to live on mission? We’re all called to build the Kingdom. And we don’t have to be overseas or call ourselves a missionary to do that. In fact, what a sad perception we’ve created to only elevate such an honor and responsibility to those who call themselves missionaries instead of owning our call to His Kingdom, as well.
And I’ve learned that being a follower of Christ and desperately wanting to see His kingdom on earth has nothing to do with the work I put forth to see that Kingdom. More work or “busyness” doesn’t necessarily mean trusting God or resting in His presence. And wasting my days away in false resting also doesn’t mean more peace and comfort in God. That’s very self-centered thinking.
It’s about where my heart is. Because that’s what God wants— my heart. And I don’t believe that to be self-centered thinking because my heart isn’t about me. If anything, giving up my heart means giving up every thing I’ve ever really believed about myself or have wanted for myself. It’s me dying to my flesh…and that is painful. And every selfish part of me wants to avoid that pain. Because confronting that pain means it’s not about me— it’s about God and His people. It’s about everyone but me. And that’s never easy.
Yes, this particular month/or season is a time for me to rest in God. And resting still means loving people and loving God. And, even then, it’s still not easy. Being an alumni leader and holding the honor and responsibility of leading broken people to love other broken people is NOT easy. I’ve never thought it to be. And being away from those sweet ladies I just spent the last 3 months pouring into so that I can be poured into is NOT easy. I’m not there with them. Sure, I get their texts and some calls but it’s not the same. I’m proud of each and every one of them and I’m in awe at the things God has taken them through but it was never easy. Gosh, they can definitely attest to that. And letting them go this month wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be either. And being there for them from a distance…yeah, that’s not easy either.
I’m going to be honest, I wish I could share in more detail why this isn’t easy. Living with people’s brokenness just isn’t easy. Grieving through the hurt of others, dealing with people’s pride and deception, celebrating the joys of others, and just living around people who don’t function the way I do…it’s beautifully chaotic.
I’ve spent a lot of days sick from the stress. I’ve spent a lot of time crying out to God because I’m at a loss on how to love people well. Right now, I’m crying just thinking about the things we’ve gone through and still continue to do so. And, honestly, I’m ill-equipped to guide someone through the deep pain they go through. But those aren’t my stories to tell. Because it’s not about me, it’s about them. It’s about you.
I started writing this blog before I read the book “The Ministry of Ordinary Places” by Shannan Martin. And as I have been reading through it, she perfectly describes the things I’m so desperately trying to communicate so I’m going to leave this here for you:
“As Christ-followers, we are called to be long-haul neighbors committed to authenticity and willing to take some risks. Our vocation is to invest deeply in the lives of those around us, devoted to one another, physically close to each other as we breathe the same air and walk the same blocks. Our purpose is not so mysterious after all. We get to love and be deeply loved right where we’re planted, by whomever happens to be near. We will inevitably encounter brokenness we cannot fix, solve, or understand, and we’ll feel as small, uncertain, and outpaced as we have ever felt. But we’ll find our very lives in this calling, to be among people as Jesus was, and it will change everything. The details will look quiet and ordinary. They will exhaust and exhilarate us. But it will be the most worth-it adventure we will ever take. Let’s go.”
“Living an on-the-ground, available-and-engaged, concerned-for-our-neighbors lifestyle doesn’t necessarily require moving, downsizing, changing jobs, or adopting a child. It only asks that we view our immediate world with fresh eyes to see how we might plant love with intention and grit.”
Please, let’s not continue to rob this broken world of all the things God has to offer through us. Will you join me in believing this truth?
