I know, I know… I must be crazy!
What could possibly possess me to leave it all behind for 11 months?!
A few weeks ago, I sat with my principal of my school for my evaluation and we talked about how it had taken us three years to get here– me with a full-time position, great insurance, an improvement in the ESOL program…
“We’re blessed,” he stated. And all I could think of was, “Am I making a mistake?” I hadn’t really told anyone at work yet that I was planning on leaving on the World Race.
After finishing my last Master’s course, I have been more available these past few weeks. I have been able to go to basketball games, movies,more home visits, and just simply been able to spend more time with the kids and my friends. However, it has happened that after dropping kids off when we spend time together, a heavy ache strikes my heart and I have to hold back the tears: “11 months…that is such a long time to miss them.” And then I have some comments ring through my ears of people who have known about my decision to go on the Race: “Well, if you want to throw your career away and sleep on the dirt floor, that is up to you” and “do you even know how to pitch a tent?” (By the way, I do. Hehe).
I must be crazy. Yes. That must be it.
...
And if that is the case, then God is calling me to be crazy. I have wanted to go on the World Race for years. I have held off because of so many reasons: “I need to save money so I don’t have to raise funds, I should see if this friendship turns into something first, I should wait until this non-profit is stable, I should wait until the kids I tutored graduate, I should do laser hair removal so I don’t have to worry about shaving, etc!” 
I found every reason to not go and to “be called” here at home. To be fair, there were so many wonderful reasons to stay and I knew God was still using me here at home.
The lives I have been able to spend time with these past few years have changed me and challenged me. They have been impacting me so much that they finally led me to a place where my entire heart desires one thing— Jesus. I was holding on to some things so tightly here at home that I never truly gave that space to God— my financial stability, the crush I had, the desire of wanting to be a part of the lives of kids I loved dearly, my “American Dream.”
In the last year, God has been relentlessly pursuing my heart and begging me to “let go, heal, and move forward.” I was not really sure what that meant until I started making some hard decisions. With each little, yet difficult, decision I followed through with, God would lead me to even bigger decisions. One of those decisions led to this— to leave it all behind for 11 months, to completely surrender my desires and wants to Him, to trust that He is good, to trust that His love drives out all fears…
So, here is to letting go, healing, and moving forward. I’m going on the World Race!
// I surrender // I surrender // I want to know You more // I want to know You more // Like a rushing wind // Jesus, breathe within // Lord, have Your way // Lord, have Your way in me //
