Well this month I’m learning how disobedient I can be. And I wish I knew why, but the thing is I don’t.
I’ve written already about the work that we have to do here, but the thing that should stand out is that we are at an orphanage / children’s home. When I got off of the bus that brought us here, the first one to do so, I went immediately to the fence that the children were behind and started asking names, making them laugh, etc. They are why we are here.
But since that moment there has been something different in me – I just don’t feel like spending time with them. When the available work was shown to us for the first week I immediately signed myself up to be on the painting team every day, and so there was only one afternoon in the week when I was required to spend time at the infants’ house. Other times no more painting could be done and so I would go to the infant house, but the problem was that even during those afternoons I spent a lot of my time sat, although with a kid on my lap, talking to one of the other racers.
Now, the other things I have been doing here have been good, so I’ve not been slacking off, it is all good ministry. The painting projects have been long coming for the ministry; the clinic is a great outreach benefit people in the nearby community; and even getting to know and speak into the lives of some of the other racers is a worthwhile use of our time. But, all along I know God has been challenging me to give myself to the kids instead.
“Nothing’s gonna hold me back” the song I’m listening to says, but for some reason I am holding me back. I spent this afternoon watching a movie with some of the others – and whilst that was ok to do today and even the squad leaders were part of the group, I had no peace because the whole time I knew God had been saying that I should have been with the kids.
This week I have been mostly helping Ashley out with the clinic they have here, particularly with taking stock of everything and organising it, but I have also been trying to make more of an effort during the times of each day, when I am with the children, to be present for them. We have only nine days left here and so I know that it is imperative that I commit to what I am really supposed to be here for – the children who God sees as sons and daughters.
The song on now? “The time has come to stand for all we believe in” – “today, today it’s all or nothing”. I hope that as we get up to work tomorrow, God helps change me to be someone who is obedient to Him – after all His plan is the best for us, so ignoring it is missing out on the best I could have and those around me too.
