Should Be…but I’m Not
It is true, I should be freaking out right about now. I am about 12 days away from the official launch date, the date that I say “see you in a year” to my friends and family, and the day I officially can’t look back even knowing that I am missing out on my brother’s wedding, my first niece going to high school, my “kinda like a son” nephew starting preschool, the opportunity to work in my field after having received a master’s degree, and so much more.
I should be FREAKING out! I should be questioning whether or not I should do this. I should be a little bit concerned and very nervous (I am a ‘little’ at times)…but for the strangest reason, I’m just mostly not. Sorry to whomever I guess.
What’s Wrong With Me?
I asked God briefly, “what is wrong with me?” I feel like a crazy person! Instantly upon asking, the words that came to my heart was, “you’re just a daughter after My own heart”. Those were the words written in scripture about David, except that he was a man of course.
I absolutely will miss my family and hate that I won’t be with them in the present, but for as long as I can remember, I knew that I was called to this. When I say this, I mean the ministry of the Lord as a missionary. That looks different for everyone, but for me part of it starts with this…The World Race.
Early Days…
I remember as a teen reading about the Matthew 28 Great Commision, how the disciples were instructed to go into the world and make disciples, and baptize them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So, I started making disciples.
I remember when Jesus said in Acts 1:8 to go out and be His witness in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the uttermost parts of the earth after receiving the power of the Holy Spirit. I loved that the scripture here included men and women everywhere all over the world, and I wanted to be apart of what Jesus started. Therefor, I started reading about and studying missions, and living my life as an evangelist.
I’ll never forget the first time I led someone to Jesus and the random times afterwards at school and grocery stores, etc: the times I felt most unqualified and unworthy. I won’t forget the many times I would be waiting for a bus or train, and God would put someone next to me that was searching, and as soon as the door to their heart opened, they would give their life to Him right there at the Marta Station or bus stop.
I would study the Word of God, spend hours in prayer at times, run to church every time the doors open, and repent SO much for the sins I committed SO much…because I wanted to please my Father. I struggled and fought with sin, but never gave up the fight. I remember even praying for more conviction, and He gave it to me, even though He knew I’d then struggle with acceptance and fitting in. But, He gave me strength and set me apart. I knew I’d love Him and serve Him forever.
When God Has Raised You Up…
God has delivered me from so much, and He has raised me up in my Jerusalem. How could I say “no” to Judea, Samaria, and the Uttermost parts of the earth? Especially when the One who has done so much for me just wants willing vessels to go and help gather His bride? I am not sad about leaving. I am excited! I know the significance of what I am doing! I know that once the gospel has been preached among every ethnic group there is, to every nation, Jesus can then return and the end can come! He is the lover of my soul! When you’re in love and waiting for your Bridegroom, you hasten His coming! I hasten the coming of the Lord! Also, sharing the gospel is how we love our neighbors! God is worth all of this!
The World Race is only one beginning to the yes I have given Him…all the way to the Uttermost. I’m excited about the training and exposure to international missions in 11 different countries and God knows how many different ethnic groups! The task won’t be easy…even after the World Race. How can I be afraid when I am so confident that He is with me? I am persuaded by His spotless character, and His perfect peace that everything is going to be ok, even when it gets hard being gone for that long. One day, it will be longer. I pray that when that time comes He will send me a companion, but if not, I trust Him still.
Other Feelings Are Validated…Trusting God Together
Although there is NOTHING wrong with feeling sad and freaking out (because this is a big deal) there is also NOTHING wrong with being at peace. By God’s grace alone, I will return home…but for now, I give myself permission to be excited about this journey with God. I just warrant prayers and support. For everyone on this journey with me, I am utterly grateful and I can’t wait to show you what we are doing for the Kingdom together. Until then, watch and pray, and don’t forget about the Jerusalem you’re in right now. Much love and see you next post.
