This blog is long overdue. I’ve been trying to write one, but I just haven’t been able to get the words down. I’m not a writer, but I’d imagine this is what writer’s block feels like. So please bear with me as I attempt to get it all out.
I’ve been having a pretty difficult time lately. I think a big sense of fear is starting to set in over leaving for the World Race. I’m starting to think about the people I’m leaving behind. I keep telling myself, it’s only a year, it’s going to be fine. But so much can happen in a year. So much can change. I’m afraid of the things I’m going to miss. People I love and care about are growing and changing and I hate that I’m not going to be here to experience it with them. I’m afraid that I’m leaving behind possibilities that won’t be here when I get back. I’m worried about what I’ll come back to. I’m afraid of being without my family for so long. Not just being without them in person, but not getting to talk to them on a regular basis. They have been my comfort and safety through absolutely everything. I can’t stand the thought of not being with them. So many doubts and fears are starting to crowd my mind. I have to remind myself constantly that God has everything taken care of. He has a plan for my future. He has a path laid out for me. All I have to do is obey. I think of Jeremiah 29:11 all the time.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
As much as I am doubting and becoming afraid to leave, I have never once doubted that I’m called to go on this trip. I know this is what I’m meant to do. I know He’s going to change me and use me in ways I can’t even fathom yet. I want that. I desperately want to change and for Him to use me in whatever way He sees fit.
I know that these doubts and fears are coming from a place of not knowing how to let things go. I’ve struggled a lot with letting my life as well as the lives of those I care about into His hands. It’s hard for me to let someone else take control of my life and just let things be. It’s even harder to let the people I care about go and not do anything for them when I know that something needs to be done. The thought of leaving them in someone else’s hands to care for is overwhelmingly painful. It’s something I’m working very hard on. I want that to change. I want to trust God fully with everyone I love. He loves these people so much more than I do. I know He’ll watch over my friends and family better than I ever could.
So I’m going. I’m leaving my comfort zone. I’m pushing through these doubts and fears and leaving it all in God’s hands. I’m abandoning everything to pursue Him completely and trusting that everything will work out according to His will. He is so good and loves me so deeply, I know it will all turn out ok.
I am afraid, but I have to push through it and obey what I’m called to do. I have to see this through. Please help send me out on this mission. I have currently raised just under $6000. Thank you all so much for the generosity and support you’ve shown me so far! I still have to raise around $10,000 so I want to ask you to consider continuing to support me and helping to send me on my way. Just click on the support link at the top of the page. It means so much to me and you’ll be supporting me as I grow closer to God and learn more about obeying His will and leaving my life completely in His hands. I appreciate everything you guys have done for me and I am so grateful and blessed by your love and support through this. 4 months until launch!!
