Every month, I look forward to opening a new letter that my sister wrote for me. It’s a highlight to the beginning of each new country. In January’s letter, she asked the question, “Has God become a different person yet?” It made me aware of a whole new way that I’ve been sensing God.
If someone were to ask me how I feel about Zimbabwe, I’d probably say something to the effect of I’ve never been so far out of my comfort zone… I don’t think I ever want to leave this place.
Let me start by explaining my living situation.
The house we’re staying in looks like something straight out of a horror movie where some little girl is crawling around on all fours in a twisted mess of hand and legs. There are black mold spots on the ceilings of most of the rooms. We sleep on the ground with roaches. You can hear rats running around in the ceilings above you.
The toilet doesn’t flush, so you have to take a bucket and pour water into it so it will force the used water into the drain system. You then take that same bucket, fill it with water from the borehole system and proceed to take a cold bucket shower in the grimey tub. If the tub is full of water waiting to be saved for later usage, you have to go to a small brick room on the back of the property and shower there. It consists of dead spiders hanging from the ceiling. On most days, you’ll be accompanied by some kind of African hornet flying in and out of the open door.
It’s hot! We sweat 18 hours of the day and are bitten by God knows what kind of bugs the other 6. We’re hungry most of the time and when we do eat, we’re not always entirely sure of the quality of our food. Some of us have taken to sleeping outside in our hammocks where we have to be cautious of monkeys, cobras and black mambas.
I’m so uncomfortable, yet God feels closer than he’s ever felt before.
I’m finding him in the most beautiful, unexpected moments. Moments that take my breath away.
While taking a bucket shower in the brick room, I was filled with a sense of peace and felt his presence surround me. It was so quiet, so peaceful. All I could hear was the soft breeze and the sound of birds happily chirping in the trees. All I could think was I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed cold, outdoor showers and hornets this much. I want to do this every day.
On a walk back to the house from our hammocks, I slowed down next to a clothesline. On it were white sheets hanging to dry, softly blowing in the light wind. The simplest, most ordinary thing stopped me dead in my tracks. I couldn’t move. I had to stare at them dancing in the breeze. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity. I realized how much God was moving in that simple moment. I couldn’t help but feel like that moment was ment specifically for me. It was breathtaking.
I’m finding him in conversations with dear friends and in ministry with beautiful people.
Kayla Z. decided that the kitchen would be known as the kitchen of peace. It’s the coolest spot in the house where we’ve shared fun, God filled conversations. Any time we cook, wash dishes or just lean against the counter talking, I feel him moving in the room. I feel him smiling down on us as we laugh over stories told to each other from our past lives. I feel his love for his daughters in these light hearted conversations.
We spend late evenings in deep conversations about life, love and God on the patio under a star filled sky. The sky… I can’t even begin to explain to you how I can see God’s majesty in the beauty of the star lit sky. It’s insane how beautiful, how astounding that view is.
I sense God in the people here. We go into town for door to door evangelism, church and youth services. They sing worship together before each message. I have never heard anyone worship the way they do. It’s all that I can do to close my eyes, listen and feel God wrap himself around the people as they dance and sing with absolute joy. These people live in poverty unlike anything I could have imagined. Yet they are still filled with a love for God and a hope unlike anything I’ve experienced.
So yes sister. The answer to your question is yes, he’s become a different person. Or maybe my eyes have just been opened more to his presence. But I feel him.
God is so close to me.
He’s everywhere. He’s in everything. He’s in every moment. I can feel his breath on my face in the cool breeze of the night. I can see his smile in the laughter of my friends. I can sense his arms wrapped tightly around myself and the people that live here.
I’m way outside of my comfort zone, and it’s exactly where I want to stay.
Sissy, thank you for making me look outside of myself and my normal thought process. Thank you for being inspiring.
I love you!
There’s no place I’d rather be
Than here in your love, here in your love.
Set a fire down in my soul
That I can’t contain, I can’t control.
I want more of you God.
I want more of you God.
