I came into this city expecting beautiful mountains, fields of sunflowers, a beautiful city. But every time I’ve looked for it, I’ve come up with a complete lack of beauty.
The other day, we took a walk to the Danube River and I thought, “Surely I’ll find God’s presence there.” But I didn’t. I saw a river, blue as the sky, but not beautiful. Trash covered the river bank. Geese swam in what looked like green sludge. I’m assuming it was a mix of seaweed and bird and fish feces.
We went up to a monastery to look over the city as well. It’s along a hillside, away from the city, surrounded by trees. I thought maybe I’d find God’s beauty there, closer to the wilderness where I’ve always found Him and His peace. I didn’t find it there either.
My team and I do this thing every night which we like to call “happy crappy’s”. We each take a turn telling what our happy moment of the day was, our favorite part that stuck out the most to us. And then what our crappy part was, something we didn’t like or made us feel uncomfortable or down. Two days ago while thinking about my “crappy” was when I realized I wasn’t seeing God’s beauty. I don’t feel a strong sense of God here. I felt like I was definitely missing something.
So I started putting more thought into why I was feeling this way. I wanted to understand what was off. Can God really be absent in a place? Negotin just feels so void of His love. My team mate Taylor suggested that maybe I should stop looking for God in nature. Maybe He wants me to find His presence somewhere else, experience Him a different way. So I did.
I asked God to open my eyes to His beauty here, to show me what He sees as beautiful in this town that’s littered with trash on the streets and full of run-down buildings. I never expect a quick answer when I ask these things. I usually expect to wait for days. But He gave me a few hours of a waiting this time. Not long at all.
We were having a slow day. We were all laying around reading, writing and painting each-others nails when it started to rain. I love the rain so I decided to take my book and read outside. While out there, I got the strong desire to see the city in the rain. So I put my book away and took a walk into the town center. I picked a bench next to a water fountain, in front of an old orthodox church and sat in the rain. I viewed the city in a slightly different way. I asked God again to show me this city through His eyes, to show me what He loved so much here. He showed me the people.
I closed my eyes to listen to the sound of the rain and I heard the sound of life. I heard children laughing, adults chattering, bikes peddling, the opening of an umbrella and two girls giggling as a group of young men walked by. I watched as an older woman wearing lime green sweat pants walked back and forth in the rain, looking lost with no decided direction. I saw a little girl in a pink dress running while dragging along a stuffed lion, her mother chasing after her.
God showed me beauty in His people, His children. But He also showed me how lost they were. I looked at the church in front of me and realized how much of an influence this dead religion has on this city. Most of the people are followers of these dead practices. They’re cut off from the love that can change lives. He showed me how broken His heart is for these lost souls. What do they have here? Why do they stay? I saw no driving forces in their lives and what a sad realization that was.
It’s been a slow month. We’re focusing on relational ministry here, building relationships for our hosts to continue to build on when we leave. This whole time, I’ve been failing to see the point. I’ve been unsure of what exactly we’re doing here and wondering if this is how all of Europe will be. This month I’ve been feeling useless until God opened my eyes to what He wants here. He showed me just how much He’s needed here and how much is lacking in this city. He showed me that, even though making friends with the people here may feel small, it could ultimately have just the impact this place needs.
If we can reach even just one person with love and “hand them off” to our ministry hosts to continue to speak into their lives, we can change this city. We can bring God to this hopeless town and show them that there is so much more to life, so much to live for.
I’ve found God’s heart in this city and I’ve found the possibility of God’s beauty. He has us here for an exact reason and I love that I get to be a part of it. I’ve watched prayer change me in huge ways and I know it can do the same here. Will you join me in praying for Negotin? Your prayers for these people and this place mean everything.
