“Having the courage to show up and be seen and put yourself out there when you have no control over the situation: That’s vulnerability. Vulnerability is the absolute prerequisite for badassery.” – Brené Brown
Right now I am reading Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly. It is about choosing to be courageously vulnerable – how vulnerability isn’t a weakness, it is a strength.
As y’all know, this is something I have been learning on the Race. I’ve been learning how to be more open and honest with my sharing, how to be vulnerable, how to actively choose to no longer numb myself, how to choose to be real, and how to actually feel.
Brené Brown is an incredible woman. She is a researcher who has spent years on the topics of shame, guilt, and vulnerability. She is a social worker – which I also admire, and she is real. I read her book Rising Strong a few months back, and it really helped me not only to own my own story, but also to embrace who I am and what I’ve been through. If you haven’t read any of her books, I strongly encourage that you to.
Anyways, back to the pain of vulnerability.
These last few months, I have been choosing to put myself into a place of vulnerability, and because of it, I feel like I am living a more rewarding life. Although, because I am actively opening myself up, that in turn opens myself up to getting hurt.
Since I’ve starting being more open and sharing my heart, it has mostly been rewarding! This new found vulnerability has really taught me the importance of being open and honest. It has taught me so much more about myself and about others. It has shown me that when I am bold and choose vulnerability, it encourages others to do the same. When I choose to be vulnerable, it actually influences others.
Another reward of this vulnerability has been the deeper intimacy it has produced. It has caused me to dive deeper into intimacy not only with others, but also with God. I have also been feeling to new depths. Since I am no longer choosing to numb myself, I can actually feel true joy, true passion, true love, true anger, true sadness, true grief, etc. I no longer live my life on a line of mediocrity. I live a life where there are high highs, but with that comes low lows. I am living wholeheartedly.
“I’ve learned that men and women who are living wholehearted lives really allow themselves to soften into joy and happiness. They allow themselves to experience it.” – Brené Brown
I expected those low lows to be the pain I felt of grief. What I didn’t necessarily expect, was the pain I would feel about being misunderstood. That was a new one.
“The minute you stop caring what people think, you lose capacity–you lose capacity to be vulnerable.” – Brené Brown
I’ve been misunderstood and misinterpreted before; we all have. But, in the past, I haven’t been as hurt by it. Being misunderstood when I was numbing myself was no big deal. I would just shrug it off and say “I don’t care what people think about me”. Yet, only part of that is true.
Yes, I need to be confident enough in my identity in Christ, so much so, that I am not shaken in my identity when someone assumes something false of me. But, on the other side of that – I am still allowed to be hurt if they did assume falsely.
I’ve had to navigate this “fun” experience this week. I’m still walking it out. I don’t necessarily know how to feel, act, or respond.
Someone I truly respect, love, and admire assumed something falsely of me. I saw into the eyes of how they viewed me – and it wasn’t the way in which I’d hoped they were seeing me. I had thought they had seen me, truly seen me – and I was unpleasantly surprised to find out they hadn’t. I was surprised to see that my vulnerability had actually painted an image of myself that wasn’t accurate.
I was sharing, and that was good – but what I didn’t understand was that they didn’t get to see the whole picture. They only got to see the parts I voiced to them. They got to see the raw truth of my anger when I was angry. They got to see the true joy of my happiness when I was happy. But, they didn’t see how I was walking all of what I was sharing out. They weren’t with me to actually SEE it.
That’s one of the fears of sharing isn’t it? Being hurt? Being misunderstood?
How do you continue to press forward into growth and vulnerability after you’ve been hurt? How do you continue to share openly and honestly when you are scared of being misunderstood, again?
Because I am still walking this out… I don’t have the answers. I don’t have suggestions, but I can tell you how I am moving forward. I am going to continue to be vulnerable. I am going to continue being open. I am continuing to press forward, and I am continuing to feel even when they are unpleasant feelings.
This I DO know: Now that I’ve tasted the color that vulnerability brings to my life, I can’t go back. During the Parent Vision Trip, I spent one day back in my month-one-shoes-of-numbness and it was miserable. I can’t go back. I won’t go back.
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” – Brené Brown
I am going to continue to press forward in vulnerability. I am going to continue to be brave, courageous, and bold, and I am going to continue to choose to FEEL.
“You can choose comfort, or you can choose courage, but you can’t have both.” – Brené Brown
Although, now I may choose to be vulnerable with a little more wisdom… Yes, I can share – but should I?
What I found out this week was that some of my vulnerable sharing had painted a picture of me that wasn’t true. I had shared my deepest emotions with this person, and, in turn, they assumed my actions followed suit. But, what I was doing was sharing without telling how I was acting. I was sharing pure, raw, unfiltered, and passionate emotions. Which, is great – do that; just make sure that you also explain that you aren’t actually acting on all of that passion (if you aren’t). And also make sure the people you are sharing with, are actually taking the time to truly know you.
In the end, if you do end up getting hurt because of your vulnerability, know that it is still worth it.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” – Brené Brown
The rewards I have felt from vulnerability, highly outweigh the pain from it. Plus, when you are hurting, know that as Christians we have the Lord for our strength. Truth is truth. I don’t need to defend myself, just like God doesn’t need to defend Himself. God knows who I am. I am confident in Him and the identity I have in Him.
“Let your roots grow down into Christ and draw up nourishment from Him. See that you go on growing in the Lord, and become strong and vigorous in the truth.” Colossians 2:7
