As you all know, I am in month ten of my World Race. This is the second to last country on the list before I embark on the journey that seems even more daunting – home.
I’ve heard it over and over the past few months, “how you end this season of life is how you begin the next”. I know that saying is supposed to be motivating, and it was, but I am in a different head space this month. I am in the middle of a battle, I am not at a place where I can do more introspection.
Kris Vallotton spoke about this in his podcast titled Spirit Wars. He mentioned that when you are in the middle of a battle, it isn’t the best time to clean your gun.
That being said, I am trying not to be nervous about what is to come. I am trying to still make steps of growth, just without too much of the self-reflection aspect. I am also trying to focus on the present, the here and the now.
So, back to month ten: Cambodia has been, interesting to say the least. Especially our short stay in Siem Reap, for the Leadership Development Weekend. We started off the month with a pretty blatant slap in the face.
There is a lot of spiritual warfare here in Cambodia, and we FEEL it. People on my squad and I have been attacked via suicidal thoughts, horrific dreams, seeing and feeling demons, not sleeping, and having feelings of anger, anxiety, and depression, etc. These attacks have all been happening since stepping foot into the country.
Cambodia has an extremely dark history, and the population is also 90% Buddhist. I was expecting spiritual warfare, I just didn’t expect how immediate it was. One thing being overseas has definitely opened my eyes to is the reality of just how real the spirit realm is.
The spiritual warfare has caused my squad and I to be actively interceeding (fervently praying) against it. The warrior Spirit I gained in Macedonia has actually been excited about it. I find that personally when I am in the midst of an attack, if I counter it with worship – the end result is heightened intimacy and breakthrough. This happened in Macadonia (read the blog “Spiritual Warship – Part Three) and is happening this month as well.
Another example of this happening would be in Lesotho, Africa where we also had a lot of spiritual warfare. That month in Africa I had some of my most intimate dates/experiences with Jesus (blog: “No Shame In His Presence: How I Am Getting More Intimate with Christ”). As soon as I recognized the spiritual warfare for what it was and started actively praying against it, the Lord’s presence was that much more present.
In Cambodia, since the devil is so active – I have been expecting God to be just as active, and He has been. I have had a vision since being here, and went on an impeccable date with Jesus.
The vision was during our leadership development weekend, and it felt absolutely beautiful. I wouldn’t say that I typically have visions – so I am loving this new part of my relationship with the Lord.
This particular vision took place during an all squad worship session lead by Abel Ballew (an incredible man of God, who knows how to fill the room with the Holy Spirit purely through His intimate relationship with the Father). Abel was playing guitar and singing an elevation worship song that I didn’t know, so I chose to intercede for the spiritual warfare going on against my squad. As I was interceding I saw Jesus surround the whole room. He was big, His head taking up the entire wall from floor to ceiling. His arms were outstretched around my entire squad. It was as though He was holding us, wrapping us up into Him, and protecting us like His children. After a while of me relishing in His presence Abel started singing another song that I knew “no longer slaves”. I started singing it as well, and in the song I felt like I was singing the words to depict my vision:
“I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God
I am surrounded
By the arms of the father
I am surrounded
By songs of deliverance”
After I shared the vision with the squad, we sang the lines quoted above again. We then prayed for one another. The whole night and the vision was such a beautiful experience.
Now that I am recalling it, I actually had a vision in Lesotho as well. The timing of my visions is so interesting to me. It seems as though the Lord gives me visions when I am surrounded by darkness, and we also go on such incredible dates!
During my date with the Lord I felt so much intimacy. I can’t really explain it, but it was so real. If you aren’t familiar with dating Jesus I encourage you to read my blog that describes it that I named above. It is a great way to increase your intimacy with the Lord, and make your relationship more personal.
This date was on our first night at the ministry site in here Phnom Pehn, Cambodia.
Date:
I didn’t know where to go on my date with Jesus tonight. I imagined looking into His eyes, and Him asking me where I would like to go. I was unsure – so He suggested we go to “His house”. I agree, smiling at the idea of ascending into heaven with Him.
He wraps His arms around me and we float up into the clouds, into heaven. I see light, the color white, and feel as though I am floating.
I look around and I see the throne of God, at the right hand side of the throne I see that Jesus had gone and sat down. I see the Holy Spirit in the shape of a dove above them. They motion for me to join them, as I approach the Holy Spirit enters into me. Jesus, God, and I intertwine around one another. I feel their embrace, but I see a pillar of three chords twirling around one another. The thought “a chord of three strands is not easily broken” goes through my mind.
In my mind I see that I am acting as the Holy Spirit in the trinity, and I am included because the Spirit is within me. I am the vessel in which the Spirit is using to intertwine with the Father, and the Son.
We release and I feel in complete intimacy with all of them. I look into Jesus’ eyes – without a word spoken, I know He wants to show me the Kingdom. He takes my hand and we walk to the left. The clouds separate and I see lush green forests and mountains. I see oceans. I see complete beauty and flawless nature. I see no hint of death at all around me, every leaf on every tree in its prime.
We go to a mountain to hike – we run along the trail, going up and down the path, ascending to the top. I am not tired at all, and I have the perseverance to continue joyfully. The verse “I will run and not grow weary” goes through my mind. I am happy, He is happy, and we are together. I am running ahead of Him on the trail, eager, but I don’t feel like there is any space between us. I am just excited to SEE this place that is His home.
-end of date.
I encourage you, if you are in the midst of a Spiritual Attack – know that you can also be in the midst of a heightened spiritual encounter. The Lord is our fortress. I encourage you to pray, to spend time with the Lord, and to let Him reveal Himself to you as He covers you and protects you.
One of the most important things I would recommend for countering a spiritual attack is to stay in the presence of the Lord. I know that it is easy to skip out on reading your bible in the morning when you don’t even feel like getting out of bed due to the grief, depression, anxiety, etc. that you are feeling. Yet, persevere through it. Know that when you don’t feel like spending time in His presence is normally when it is the most impactful. The Word is part of the armor we are told to put on, it’s our sword:
“the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” Ephesians 6:17
The enemy wants you to let your defenses down. He wants to get you further away from the Lord so that his evil voice can tell you to “kill yourself”, or whatever other lies he is whispering to you, and the distance from God makes his lies sounds more reasonable.
Personally, I’m still occasionally feeling anxious and depressed, and am still grieving – but that hasn’t changed the fact that I am still worshipping God. I don’t need to understand my circumstances or over analyze the feelings spiritual warfare are causing me to have in order to understand His character. I encourage you to get to a place in your relationship with God when how you view Him doesn’t change depending on your circumstances.
“I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.” Psalm 18:1-3
He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is the beginning and the end. He is the Rock. If your view of God changes based on your circumstances, I encourage you to just soak in His presence. Start reading your bible daily, go on dates with Him, journal your prayers, ask Him questions and then listen for the answers, listen to podcasts, join a devotional. Whatever it takes, know it’s worth it. Let Him reveal Himself to you, it is truly comforting, especially in the midst of darkness.
