The past few days, I have been completely blessed by my new Husband (still so weird to say that – but I am loving seeing this facet of God). He has just be romancing me with sweet little blessings. He has been answering the tiniest of my prayers, and truly showing me that He is listening – to ME.
Although I have felt God’s love for me, I have been struggling with my self image a lot this month. It is difficult to feel pretty on the world race. I don’t see a mirror often, I am wearing clothes with tears in them that are only so clean due to my failed attempts at hand washing. And until today, I hadn’t put make up on or dressed up in months. (Today is one exception because I actually got dressed up for my Valentine Date with Kayla Zilch #kayandfay4vday)
This is the raw me: dirty hair tied up in a bun, because the lack of mirrors and running water make it impossible to manage. Face free of make-up, that is always slightly tinted red by a new sun burn. Blemishes from the piles of sunscreen I put on hourly. I have a perfect watch tan line and t-shirt tan, but it isn’t that noticeable because my wardrobe consists of maxi skirts, flowy pants and t-shirts. My feet are always rocking a fake dirt tan, and my nails aren’t painted.
All of that may have played into my date with Jesus the other night. As y’all know, I am beginning a multi-faceted relationship with my Creator in order to try and delve even deeper into Him. So, of course I am “dating” Him. I do so using an exercise I actually learned at training camp for the world race. In one of our many break out sessions, It was focused on having an intimate relationship with Jesus. I suggest everyone at least tries this exercise. I did it last month with a group of high school/college students in Zimbabwe and it was rather fun.
This can look different for everyone, depending on your relationship with Christ. There is no right or wrong way – it is just another way to talk to God that uses more of a creative side of your brain. Since I can’t talk you through it, you’ll have to read it though and walk yourself through it afterwards – but again, there is no right or wrong way. This is simply just a starting block.
Close your eyes, imagine yourself in your favorite place. Where are you? What are you doing?
Now picture that Jesus joins you. How would you greet him? What is your reaction to Him? What would ask Him? Now what would you go and do with Him? How would you spend your time with Him?
That’s it. Easy right? This can last as short or as long as you want – and you can get as detailed or as broad with the questions as you want. Essentially you are just going on a date, in your imagination, with Jesus.
Once you do this exercise a couple times it gets easier. Your mind has more fun with it, and it truly adds another layer to your relationship with Christ.
I was doing this before bed last week and this is what I imagined: We were in a classic old house, with vintage furniture. The couch was Victorian style and had a floral pattern. Jesus was sitting in a chair and I was on the couch. I asked Him if He would like to have some tea? He said yes, and then I went and grabbed a beautiful china set with a white tea pot with a flower on it, and some pretty matching cups. I poured us both some tea. I asked Him how He liked His tea, and He said just a little bit of sugar, because He liked to taste the tea in its natural form. And then I sat down across from Him on the couch. In my head I looked at myself and felt shame. I apologized for my attire, because I was in my world race attire and felt completely unpresentable (I looked how I explained myself at the beginning). All He said to me as He took a sip of His tea was “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you“. As soon as He said that I looked back at myself in my head. I was wearing a beautiful white 50’s style dress that went right below my knees. My hair was curled, and I had a stunning glow that surrounded me. I felt absolutely stunning, light, and happy.
Then, I fell asleep.
I feel like that date with Jesus is Him romancing me even more than He has been this month. Him trying to tell me that even if I don’t feel beautiful right now – He sees His creation and says it is Very Good. He created me exactly how He desired me to be. From the color of my hair, to the height of my stature – He planned it.
Out of all that He created, when He looks at YOU and I – He says it is very good. When He looked at Victoria Falls, He said it was good. When He looked at the sunset, or the ocean – it was only good. When He looked at all the stars in the sky, the sun, and the moon – it was good… But, when He looked at YOU and I – that is when He caught His breath and said this is VERY good.
Genesis 1:31 “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.”
Who am I to doubt the wonders of His creation? Who am I to think that I am not beautiful just because I don’t have piles of man made gunk on my face?
I hope you understand what God is trying to get through to me… You are beautiful. You are loved. You are made perfect just the way you are. Your twirks are something He rejoices in, and those things He loves about you. Your laugh that is “too loud” is perfect when it is ringing in His ears. Your smile He constructed with every tooth crooked in the right place. Your eyes He painted the exact color He invisioned for you, with the minute details. You are unique, you weren’t meant to blend in. You were made to stand out, because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
You are worthy. You are special. You are beautiful. You are strong.
I went stargazing the other night. The sky is here in Lesotho is impeccable. I looked up and the Milky Way was directly above me.
I saw seven shooting stars that night while laying out in the grass, cuddling up next to my teammates. And to think, to God – I take His breathe away just like these stars take away mine.
It made me feel just how much I am at peace, I am loved, and I am known.
I went on another date with Jesus a couple days ago. I think He is still trying to romance me, which I am absolutely loving. Here is our date:
Jesus and I headed out for a picnic. I am wearing the white 50’s style dress from our previous date, and He is wearing His white robe. We walked to the Zambia side of Victoria Falls. As we walked in Baboons started to approach us – He gave them some food and they calmly left us and our picnic basket alone (only Jesus can make a baboon calmly walk away from you when you have food). He was holding the picnic basket in His hand, I asked Him if I could carry it. He said no, and reached for my hand. I held His hand and we crossed a bridge. We found a nice place to lay down our blanket that He got out of the picnic basket. He laid it on the ground and I sat down facing the falls – He sat facing me. I asked Him “don’t you want to sit where you can see the falls?” He replied “no, I am looking at what I think is the most beautiful”. To that I blushed, then He said “I love it when you blush”. He pulled out mashed potatoes, chicken breast, and Frank’s Red Hot sauce for our meal. I smiled, as I thought – He knows me so well. I asked Him “how are you?” He replied “I am great, I am spending time with you”. I thanked Him for spending time with me and told Him that I appreciated it. I stated that I couldn’t imagine how busy He was. He told me that “I have all the time in the world, and I am not spending time with you just because you want to spend time with me. I am spending time with you because I want to spend time with you”.
In these two dates, Jesus wanted me to feel loved. He wanted me to know how beautiful He knows I am, and He wanted me to realize that He loves spending time with me. It isn’t an obligation!
I finished reading “Rising Strong” by Brene Brown yesterday. It is a great read, I highly recommend any of her books. In her book she addresses that the number one thing women experience shame about is their appearance and not feeling good enough. For men, she stated that the number one thing they experience shame about is appearing weak. Whichever you are experiencing I encourage you to look at yourself through the eyes of Christ. You are beautiful. You are enough. You are strong. And most importantly, he loves you for you.
