The Philippines have been great, except for the lack of sleep. Right now it is 4:52am – and I am wide awake, outside in my hammock. I was so hopeful last night when I finally found a place to hang my hammock up, because I thought I’d finally sleep – but no… I’m awake. The rooster is crowing. The motorcycles are out buzzing past the church with loud exhaust noises, and I’m laying here… Exhausted…
I wish I could say it was the rooster that just woke me up, except I’ve been awake longer than him. I woke up at 3am, for the second time since being here.
I tried to go to bed somewhat early last night. Climbing into the hammock around 10:30pm. If it were normal life back in America, this would be considered early for me. Currently on the Race this is considered late. Last month I would try to go to bed between 8-9pm.
Since I’ve been in the Philippines I haven’t really slept. I couldn’t sleep on either of the two 8hour plane rides here, or during the 5hour layover in Dubai. I also couldn’t fall asleep on the two hour bus ride to Bulacan from Manila after we landed in the Philippines . After being up for multiple days straight I did actually sleep, once we arrived at our ministry site at 2am. That was nice. Since then, I haven’t been able to.
I find myself having issues falling asleep, and having issues staying asleep. I just lay here… Sometimes praying, other times just breathing. Currently, I am listening to classical music. I was hoping that would help drown out the rooster and the motorcycles, but I can still here both.
Dear future racer, traveling around the world every month is exciting. It does hold many adventures, but it is also exhausting. Flipping between time zones, rarely having a bed, and always being around people is tiring. You have to come to a point where you are okay with being uncomfortable, eating strange foods, and not always sleeping. Despite all of those varying circumstances you still need to be fueled for ministry. You have to come to a point where even if it is your 4th night in a row not sleeping well, you are still awake and excited for ministry the following day.
My alarm is going to go off in two hours. I will probably be awake for those next two hours… When it goes off, I will pray for energy and rejuvenation – and I will receive enough of it for ministry today.
God isn’t a wish dispenser, and I don’t encourage only coming to Him to ask for things. But, He is a good father, and He will help you through the day. He actually loves it when you rely on Him. When you finally get to that breaking point, look at Him and say “I can’t do this, you have to help me – I need you.”
What father won’t answer His child when He hears those words? Especially our Heavenly Father who is unimaginably more gracious and kind than any earthly father could even aspire to be.
Matthew 7:11 “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
He is also your good husband (“I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.” 2 Corinthians 11:2) sometimes He will wake you in the middle of the night. Yes, even when you are exhausted, because He wants to spend time with you.
You will finally be asleep, after days of not sleeping, and three o clock roles around, and here He is anxiously awaiting for your attention. It will be tempting to role over, try and fall back asleep… But the lovely thing about my Husband is that if He wakes me up to spend time with me, He has the power to give me enough energy for the day if I ask Him.
Even though my flesh screams, you need sleep. My spirit screams back, no I need Him.
This is the battle I am currently in, I am exhausted and in a screaming match between my flesh and my Spirit. I want to fall asleep… I want to sleep through the night, like I normally would be able to do… Am I going to? Probably not. He is a jealous God, and if I make anything an idol He can strip that from me. Though, that isn’t the reason I choose not to close my eyes – it is His love.
Next time you can’t sleep, before assuming it is just bad luck, or before getting angry about it – ask Him why? Perhaps He wants you to intercede for someone else. Perhaps He just wants to lavish you with love. Perhaps He just wants to spend time with you. Perhaps someone really needs your prayers and He is calling you to pray for them. Or, maybe He wants you to write down a talk, or a blog – who knows!
Turn off your flesh for a moment and just wait for Him to speak in the silence. Elijah didn’t hear Him in the fire, or the storm. He heard Him in a whisper.
1 Kings 19:11-13 “The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
To hear God, we need to be listening. To feel Him, we need to be aware. To spend time with Him, we need to be willing – even if it is at 3am.
Psalm 46:10-11 “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
How do we know that He is God? By being still. Who is with us? The Lord almighty. Who is there to protect us? The God of Jacob.
If you are wondering why God hasn’t answered some questions you’ve been asking, consider if you’ve actually listened for an answer from Him? If you are curious as to why He hasn’t spoken to you, again ask yourself if you’ve given Him the space and time to speak. I know I was guilty of this back in America. I kept my schedule so busy that I even tried to pencil the God of the universe in. Maybe He is waking you up in the middle of the night because that is the only time you aren’t multi-tasking? Or perhaps you can’t sleep because at night it is the only time you are actually free enough to spend time with Him?
I encourage you to try conversing with Him this week. Focusing on prayer not as a means to an end, but as the end. Not praying FOR things, but focusing on the prayer.
Be still. Listen. Be willing.
We serve an amazing God, who desires a relationship with us SO STRONGLY – but He is also a God that knows His worth and He will not be second.
