Last week I had one of those beautifully disastrous moments that eloquently describes the World Race… Not what you expected.
Dear Future Racers, and Supporters: The World Race is NOT my Instagram feed.
Yes, I am doing incredible things in picturesque places – but that is maybe 1% of the Race.
Doing those things help glue back together my broken heart, while sticking what little sanity I have left onto something.
Here is the issue… As Racers, we don’t want to be the ones to complain because even if a situation is less than ideal – we are still grateful. We can’t tell you about the cat size rat living in our basement, the mouse size cockroaches that cause me to sleep in my hammock on the balcony, or the mounds of teammate’s stuff I swim through daily (all statements referring to this month here in Cambodia, but also relavent for other months).
We try to post about the orphans, the sex trafficked victims, and the poverty that ultimately breaks our hearts – but words cannot describe what we see. Words cannot describe the discomfort of some evangelism, or the joy that we feel when we see lives that are eternally saved, or circumstances finally changed!
Yet, just like Pauls’s life – those things don’t happen without a few scars and bruises. Ministry is painful, and growth hurts. The Race is uncomfortable. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it has also been the most rewarding.
Last week I was sick for five days because of something I ate. Yet, I continued to do ministry (making sure it was a safe distance from a bathroom) because that is why I am here. Racers, just know that hygiene is not the same overseas (for your teammates or the people preparing your food), and you have to watch what you eat… Even though, when your burger is charred on the outside, nothing can prepare you for the bite of raw meat you may chew and swallow… Fortunately, after three days of Cipro I was back to somewhat normal (do not put your Cipro on the free table – I didn’t need this until month 10, but trust me – it can save you).
Currently, I am sick again – and tomorrow I am about to get on a bus for 7hours, have a 2hour layover, and then a train for 17hours, before we finally taxi it to where we are staying. This is life on the World Race, even if you are sick – life keeps going.
Racers, as you read blogs with your heart pounding in excitement… Yes – listen to God. If He told you to go, GO. I in no way want this blog to discourage you from this journey. The World Race is a pressure cooker of spiritual growth and is SO worth it… But, go knowing that you will be broken, you will face trial, and you won’t enjoy all of it. Go, knowing that you will also have once in a lifetime experiences that cause you to pinch yourself while checking if this is actually reality.
Supporters, thank you. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for seeing something in me that is worth supporting… I just want y’all to know that I am not just jumping off bridges, and swimming with sharks. I am doing ministry, I am growing spiritually, and all of it is hard… Very hard.
I try to post about the ministry in my blogs because I am SO appreciative of you supporting me, and that you’ve sent me on this journey. I want you to see a piece of the picture of what you donated towards.
Yet, most of my actual pictures are of adventure days rather than ministry. Know that this is because in most scenarios you can’t take photos during ministry. In most cases it is inappropriate. It would be rude to ask to take a picture while a student is praying and giving their life to Christ, you’re holding an orphan, or you when you’re in front of a class teaching English, etc.
Although I do trust that all of you supporters and future racers realize that the Race isn’t easy, I am finding that my photos may be painting a false picture in everyone’s heads altogether…
So, I am writing this to clear that wrong image up. The image that the Race is a picture perfect adventure. This is me telling you that the Race is full of unfortunate events, uncomfortable situations, unfulfilled expectations, and broken people.
Monday, I got a bag stolen from me while driving home in a Tuk Tuk. A man on a motorcycle reached in and grabbed it right off of my lap.
It wasn’t my passport, my wallet, or my cellphone. Nothing I needed – just wanted. None of us were hurt, and everything is okay. The two teammates I was with and I were all a bit shaken up, but God has given me peace about the entire situation. It was just material possessions, they don’t matter – but, it still was unfortunate.
Racers, at times you may come to a breaking point, or ten. I reached one this past weekend and caved: I spent $10 on a hotel so that I could sleep in a bed, have a/c, and a shower… I realized that it was better for me to practice self-care and take what I needed, rather than continue serving out of a lack.
Sometimes – you splurge so that you can make it through the next few days of ministry. When living conditions are less than ideal (rats, cockroaches, only fans, sleeping pads, and a dirty/unorganized room) sometimes you run away because you aren’t okay – but that’s okay. One beautiful thing I’ve realized, and many others on the Race have realized, is that it is okay to be not okay.
Granted my splurge on a hotel room caused some cuts in other areas like food. It just causes you to get even more creative on the Race. This week I ordered just a bowl of hot water at a cafe so that I could eat my 10cent pack of ramen for lunch (it was discounted from 30cents because it is super spicy).
I also saved some free ketchup packets and made a makeshift meal of spaghetti. A little bit of oil, oregano, and chili powder and it was surprisingly delicious! Only costing me 20cents.
I hope this blog puts the Race into perspective. The Race is definitely not a perfectly edited and filtered photo. It is ugly, it is sweaty, it is messy, but it’s so rewarding.
The Race has forced me to grow in resilience, in my relationship with God and others, in communication, in creativity, and in processing! My goodness, I could go on and on.
I encourage you to get uncomfortable. I know that I’ve written a blog on this before (blog: Go Jump Off A Bridge), but seriously try it. An important thing to know is that God doesn’t live in your comfort zone. God can’t be limited, and isn’t limited by what we think we can or cannot do.
Here is a fun experience I had Wednesday… I think I ingested fish poop in order to be culturally sensitive. We were all having lunch while sitting on the floor of a salon. I was getting some fish (eyeballs and all) and I noticed a little grey tube inside the fish. I asked Kimhor what it was – and she said “oh, fish eggs! Try it”… Hesitantly looking at it, knowing it wasn’t fish eggs, I cut it in half and gave half to her “it is good” she smiled and put it in her mouth. I followed suit – it wasn’t good, but if I was in the same situation again, I would do it all over. It brought a smile to her face – and that’s what matters.
I have done so many things that I swore I “couldn’t” do these past ten months (like eating fish poop, speaking in front of over 100people, jumping off a bridge, etc), and because of it my comfort zone has grown!
Still, I think one of my favorite things about the Race is the very thing that is the most challenging: community.
Proverbs 13:20 “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”
The Race surrounds you with a group of people that are just as hopelessly devoted to God as you are – and if they aren’t, they are working towards it.
Yes, it is hard. Anyone who has lived in community knows that it is hard. Picture the ONE roommate you had issues with, now multiply that by six – now you have your World Race team. Chances are, the reason you had issues with that roommate was because of YOU and not them. Community shows you the parts of yourself that even you don’t want to see. Future racers, prepare to practice a lot of grace, patience, and holding your tongue. As well as, prepare to grow, change, and become more like Christ.
The Race will be nothing you expected. You won’t be able to prepare for it, and it will force even the most extreme extrovert (me prior to the Race) into becoming an introvert. It will be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done, but it will also be one of the most rewarding.
