Today during my time with the Lord, the song “Praise You In This Storm” by Casting Crowns came on. Instantly it hit me. Tears streaming down my face, this song echoing my prayers this last year:
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus:]
And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus]
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I was afraid to come help with the refugees. I didn’t want to shut myself off. I didn’t want to numb myself to the situation, and just be hands – and not a heart helping.
(My team and I playing with a big group of refugee children waiting for the bus)
Well, my fears came true. The first few days here I powered through the long shifts. I treated the ministry here like a job. I can’t understand arabic, or farsi. How can I minister to these people when I can’t even talk to them? I’m tired, and there are hundreds of them, how can I smile at all of them?
The truth is that I was afraid I would numb myself to the pain of these refugees, because I had experienced so much pain this summer. I was afraid that their stories of loss, the trauma that some of them are going through, would bring up more grief. I didn’t want to feel more pain.
(Picture of some of the life jackets down by the beach where the refugees come over on rafts)
I was “fine” emotionally while working with the refugees, until it became too real. Until my walls came crashing down – and the fears I was hiding inside came crashing over me. Until that moment I saw the little girl I blogged about in my previous blog – I thought I was okay.
It was in that moment where I realized I had been numbing myself – because in that moment I felt. I felt fear. I felt pain. I felt grief.
The memories of death came flooding over me. This helpless child in my hands – I was instantly overwhelmed.
I made it through the shift. My heart bleeding. Mind racing. How do I process this?Am I okay?
But, God. I could see Him, and I could hear the whisper “I am with you”.
He has been so present in our time here with the refugees. He also blessed me with a break after this revelation – not from working, since we still had shifts left with the refugees. But, a break from working in the clothing tent – where the stress level is high, and where I saw the wet, and shivering refugees.
I got to hand out food, I got to smile at people and welcome them to the camp. The difference in the stress level I felt about going to the transit point was so immense. I praise God for bringing me to the breaking point though. That He allowed me to realize I was numbing myself, and that I was shoving my feelings down, before I had my last shift with the refugees.
(Picture of the layout the Sykamania Transit Point early one morning)
God has taught me so much about myself. How I need to rely on Him in the tough situations. That He is there for me through the pain. That He can take all the bad situations that happen to me, and make good come out of it.
For those of you struggling right now – I pray this verse over you:
Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
When you want to turn off your emotions – press into God. When you want to shove down the pain, feel it with Him. He is the comforter – and He is waiting for you to come to Him so that He can bring you peace.
One thing working with the refugees has given me is perspective.
Yes, I am hurting. Yes, I have experienced pain. Yes, all of these things can be true BUT, I have God. I have the peace He provides for me.
Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
And one thing I can tell myself – even though I see the pain they are going through, and I see the grief that they have. I also see that they have hope, and they can now find TRUE hope.
These refugees fleeing presents the opportunity for all of these refugees to hear the gospel! God is turning the bad into good already. These people, some whom have never heard the truth about Jesus Christ – are now flooding to a place where their whole eternal futures can be changed.
(Sunset on the drive home after a 10hour shift with the refugees – sometimes it is the little blessings God gives you that keep you going.)
Thank you for all of your prayers for the refugees, please continue to pray for them. Please also continue to research the information you are fed by the media – not everything you see on TV is true. I can only testify to what I have seen, but these numbers of refugees contains families that are hurting and broken. Some refugees are dying as they are running towards hope. I have held so many crying babies these last two weeks, and talked to so many grateful people. Prayer is still needed, especially as the weather gets worse. Just because I am leaving – doesn’t mean the crisis is ending.
