There’s a lot of emotions running through me on a day to day basis when I think about the the world race. To be honest, it’s all just one big jumbled mess. There’s joy, excitement, sadness, wonder, worry, and even a couple emotions I don’t have the words for.
Whenever I think about the plane rides, the missionary work, leaving home, leaving friends, and all the challenges I’m going to face, my palms start to sweat and my heart starts to race. Panic seeps in and almost takes over. When people ask what will you do there, I reply with I don’t know. When someone asks where will you be staying in each country, my reply is I don’t know. Because I don’t. And that’s a little scary, especially to someone like me who likes to have a plan, who likes to be in control.
But God (my two favorite words in the whole Bible) knows. God has a plan and He is in control… over my fundraising, over what I’m doing and will be doing, over where I’m staying and the people I will meet. I accept that… no, scratch that, I believe that God is bigger than the unknown.
Someone asked me the other day if I was ready for this trip. I didn’t really have an answer. Was I ready? Gear-wise? no. Psychically? not really. Spiritually? probably not. Mentally? nope. Yet for all my practice reasoning, I still feel ready. How can that be? One of the girls in my squad told me some very wise words, “God does not call the equipped, He equips who He calls.” And I think that’s why… despite the panic, despite my fears, despite low funds, despite all odds… I feel ready.
So when the panic sets in, and trust me it does, it doesn’t deter me from God’s calling. I have 23 days to rise 2,500 dollars and I can’t do it, but God can. So though it seems impossible, I will keep on believing that the money will come in just when it’s supposed to.
God will fight for me, I need only be still (exodus 14:14) and God will make me worthy, He will equip me for His calling.
