“This is the last time we’ll see each other until you get back” my best friend reminded me.
As launch quickly approaches, the reality of this crazy journey sinks in deeper and deeper. With each new day comes more jitters, more packing, and more preparation. I actually started packing yesterday (really packing…) all the while chanting in my head… I’m leaving, I’m really leaving! I even cleaned my room! How weird to think my room will remain the same for 9 months. Even if the world around it changes drastically.
In the midst of everything, I need to say goodbye to my town, my favorite places, my friends, and my family. There’s just one little problem… I’m not good with goodbyes, especially with the family, that one’s going to be tough. I only have about 4 days left to fit in a bucket load of farewells. I know in the grand scheme of things 9 months isn’t much; I’m coming back. However in these last few days before my life changes, 9 months feels like forever. There seems to be to many lasts to be had.
Deep down, I’m scared of leaving, but not because of the unknown. I know time will move on. Things will change, including me. My nieces and nephews will grow up. There will be family dinners and vacations. Seasons will come and go. My little sister will learn to drive. My friends will go to school and make new memories with someone who’s not me. My town will change. I have this irrational fear that all the people I love will forget me. Replace me.
Then I remember that God called me to this place and I said yes. My friends and family will still be there when I get back. Maybe changed, but then again maybe that’s not a bad thing. Friends should and can grow separately without growing apart. There’s only one me; I’m unique.
My life is a blank page in my eyes, but God already sees the print. He wrote it. I know I can’t have a successful race if I’m always looking over my shoulder at what I left behind. That’s not abandonment. That’s not what I want or what the race is about. So I’ll try to only look ahead, towards God and the joy that comes in the morning. After all, ends only lead to new beginnings, right?
