Thinking back to the Race, I remember times in Ecuador when my squadmate’s things got stolen on a bus ride to the Equator, or when two of our squadmates were robbed at knife point, and were told to give over their money and cell phones. Or in Peru, when we walked around in groups and planned our defense if someone happened to try to rob us after dark. Or in Bolivia, after having eaten dinner, Nathan and I went to get ice cream, leaving Ginny, Rikki and Jenna by themselves, and hearing later than a man tried to grab Ginny’s purse with all of our team money in it. I remember Ginny telling me the story and telling my team that she wished I was there so I could have leveled him if he had gotten it. It’s a theme all too common for racers, as we all know, and there were always times when I found myself thinking through what I would do in a situation where I might be robbed. Looking for weapons, thinking of ways to subdue a person, or looking for an escape route if someone decided to come in and attack.
And now, having been married 6 months to my squadmate and best friend, it’s interesting to see the way Father has worked in my heart since those moments on the race.
Coming home from the Race, I began pursuing Annee, moved to St. Louis, and eventually married her (Yesssss!!!!). During that time, I asked Father to show me and to work in me the love that passes all knowledge that Paul talks about in Ephesians. I wanted to know this love that Christ has for me, so I could in turn show it to my wife.
So I studied God’s word. I read books on marriage. I studied Jesus’ life when He was here on Earth, figuring His life would be a good model for mine during my marriage (except for maybe having 12 guys follow me everywhere I go). And what Father taught me through His life is something I never would have imagined, even a month before coming home from the Race.
I began reading and studying the Gospels, and the first conviction Father gave me was that Annee is not mine, she is His. She may become my wife, but she is, at the heart of life, only His. And I am only here to love her and live a life of a witness to Jesus’ relationship to His Church.
Around the same time as that conviction, Father convicted me of my thoughts on violence. How I used so much of my time on the Race thinking about what I would do in a certain situation. I heard Father saying, “Spending so much time on a THEORETICAL SITUATION is a form of anxiety”. It is something that is drilled into our subconscious as Americans, with our right to bear arms and what might happen if that is taken away from us. He doesn’t want us to have any form of anxiousness (Phil. 4:6). In short, Father was telling me that Annee is not mine, she is His. Not mine to keep, not mine to have, not even mine to protect, if it means being violent.
I know this sounds crazy, and maybe like a bad husband. What kind of husband doesn’t protect His wife? I know, I wrestled with that very question myself during this process. But what He told me during my questioning was to lift her up in prayer. To give her to the One who can protect her, the One who knows the future. Give up being anxious in thinking of ways to protect her, and pray and have faith that He will protect her.
This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give my life for her. I would, in a heartbeat, put myself between her and someone trying to harm her. But the conviction Father gave me, just as He said to Peter in the garden, is that human life is equal regardless of who you are… if you are a bad guy, good guy, or anywhere in between.
It’s been a short six months of marriage, but the lessons and purpose of marriage are being taught in full. It’s a beautiful realization that Christ has lead me to through my marriage with Annee. I have gained the realization that all life is equal regardless of who you are, the power of prayer and faith that the Lord knows what He is doing in all situations, that she is His to protect, and my only job being to love people the way Christ would love them, enemy or friend. The most beautiful thing is the inward change of perspective on a person’s life and worth. It’s a huge change of perspective from a short time ago on the Race when a lot of my time was spent thinking of what to do if someone threatened me. My love for Annee has made me grow in my love for all people. Just one more way she has lead me closer to Father! Happy six months babe!
