As the school year is ending, and everyone is packing up to head home for the summer, or moving on with life, I have thought back over the years and everything that has happened. I remember driving down to Liberty, stopping at a gas station not even ten minutes from campus, asking if we were going the right direction because we had no idea where we were going. I remember unpacking in my dorm room and getting settled in to a different aspect of life, and being away from home for the first time in m entire life. It was a wild experience moving in to a dorm with 70 other guys all going crazy because they were on their own, and there were all these pretty girls walking around, and its all they could talk about. I remember thinking to myself, “Do I even have what it takes to get through college?” All my life growing up, I saw college and kids who went to college as these super smart kids that I would never be able to amount to. I saw how I did in high school, and thought there was no way I was going to make it in a place that had harder academics than high school. It just didnt seem possible. But here I am, sitting here a year after being done with full time school, getting ready for the next step in my life. I have had some good adventures during my college years. I got a great education, traveled, went on adventures, and even more than all of that, I have met some of the most amazing people in the entire world. I often times think how much God has blessed me with knowing so many amazing people. I feel like God put me in a place where some of the most amazing people are, and allowed me to get to know them.
I remember going in to freshman year, not knowing a single person, being overwhelmed by a college campus that was at least 100 times bigger than the high school I went to. I felt so unprepared for what was going on, but in the midst of it, I met some amazing people my freshman year that I still love dearly to this year that made life in college so much fun and so much easier for me. Nicole, Alison, Ray, Emily, and Dubie are some of the best friends I have made in my life, and college would not have been the same experience without them. All the fun trips we made out to eat, all the punching each other when we saw yellow cars, all the times we went hiking to find a water hole that wasnt there, all the times we timed ourselves sitting on an exercise ball, and all the times we just sat around playing games. No matter how mad we all got at each other, and how competitive we got during those games, it brought us all closer together, and made for some amazing friendships.
I remember making my own language with one of my best, and smartest friends, PanBlargFlarbinTobe. I remember singing me&U2 songs every morning in the dorm room getting ready for convo, and for the school day. I remember that all I had to do was say the word “Simpsons”, and we would skip classes. I remember my friend Jonj, who is the biggest jerk in the word for giving me the only reps of my entire college career. But he is amazing and taught me so much, and been probably the funniest person I have ever met.
This semester has been one of the best I have ever experienced, hands down! I met so many more amazing people that I never would have expected. I met the Bungalow, a house full of amazing, fun loving, adventurous girls that are so dear to my heart, you all will never know how much you mean to me. I met some crazy freshman, who can never find his keys, runs out of gas like its his job, yet takes all the crap we give him with a smile, and puts up with us despite it all. And even though we give him crap, he is more of a man than most, and God is going to use him to change the world, if he can find his keys…
I grew leaps and bounds closer to a guy I have known since high school, and as he says it, we have become “dudes” way more than we have ever been. We have slept outside basically every night this semester, gone on so many crazy fun road trips that hold so many memories that are so dear to my heart. We have laughed, farted, been annoyed, struggled, found joy, and cried together. The one good friend people say we are lucky to find in this life I have found in this guy. Though I say that, I know he is a much better friend to me than I am to him.
I have treated people I love like crap, used and abused people, and I regret it more than words can describe. Its been a huge learning experience for me, and people have been extremely patient with me in times when I dont deserve it. I have grown in my faith with Christ, and though I have a long way to go, God has shown me how to really love those people I have used and treated like crap. It has come with humbling times, times when I have been more vulnerable than I would like, but there has been a purpose to it all, and I am so glad God has directed me to where I am.
I know it sounds like a sad post, and its only because people are leaving, and moving on with life, and I am moving on to a huge journey in my life, away from all these people I have come to love. I guess the biggest fear or regret I have is that all these people have done so much in my life, shown me so much love, and I havent given anything back to them in return for being such amazing friends to me. I worry with everyone moving in different directions in life, that they have taught me so much, that they will move on in life remembering nothing about me, or anything good I ever did for them. Its a selfish thought, but one that I have been thinking about a lot the last couple weeks.
I also have been thinking about the heartbreak that comes along with God allowing us to get to know someone so much, for them to mean so much to us, and when times like these come along, when we move along, what is the point? Obviously I know that point, but as I talked with someone about this exact subject the other day, there is so much heartbreak involved when someone who you have invested so much of yourself in, leaves and there is the possibility to never see each other again. Why would God allow things like this to happen? Its not something I have a good answer for, but I know there is a reason. I also thought about the story of Jesus’ death. I sat in church this morning thinking about all of us moving on with our lives, thinking about the disciples sitting around after Jesus had died. This Man, this Person, they gave up their professions, families, and lives for died. They gave EVERYTHING to follow this person, and all of the sudden He dies on a cross. I can only imagine that hole inside feeling you get when you say goodbye to someone for the last time. I thought about how they must have been crushed, and though its not a direct analogy to my situation, I can only imagine what they were thinking. I didnt really come up with any answers that would ease the hurting, but I thought about the importance of making sure everyone we love knows Christ so we CAN all see each other again. And I know that doesnt help the hurt we have now about not seeing each other in this life. I know, because I still have that hurt.
Last night, I met the Kimble’s. It was the first time I had met them,but they already made a lasting impression on me, and I know for a fact I will never forget them. Mr. Kimble made fun of me as soon as I walked through the door about how I arrived just in time to eat, but conveniently missed the socializing time beforehand. This proceeded throughout the night. He made fun of me for how much I ate, told me I couldn’t eat any more, and gave me a hard time after I kept eating when he told me no more. It was all in good fun, and I loved the harassment. I even gave it back a little when Mrs. Kimble said she has put up with his nonsense for 41 years. I jokingly told her that I had only known him for 41 minutes, and I almost couldnt take it. It was a good laugh, and I loved every second of being there, but the one moment I will not forget was when Mrs. K said if we want good community and love, we need to try hard, work through anything, and be intentional. They were talking about this in the context of being in a big church, but I took it out of context, and saw it for being intentional with the people I love and want to see again. People I have met this semester I am not willing to just not see again. The only thing that has eased my hurt is to make sure I am intentional about seeing them again. Try my hardest to connect with them when we all have the chance to. The whole situation sucks, and is not pleasant, but the pastor said in church this morning that hard, difficult, or painful times in life cannot be controlled, but your attitude towards it can be. This is definitely a difficult and painful time, and I am well aware of the amazing trip God is going to take me on, but the only thing I can do to make things better is to make sure my attitude is not bitter, angry, or too sad. When that happens, it limits the good things I can see in life.
So, Lynchburg, its not you, its me. Im moving on, and so are so many people whom I love more than words can express. But if there is one thing I know, I am sure as heck going to be intentional. I am excited about my future, but Im going to be intentional about keeping these people I love in my future. Its the only thing to ease a little of the pain.
