Once a week we visit the local prison to share a word of encouragement and give testimonies as a part of our church ministry. It’s been my favorite part of ministry this month. When we arrived the men were signing and playing drums in an open space outside as some sat along the edges of brick wall in their maroon shirts. There was a heaviness from the reality of where we were, but also a lightness from anticipation to see what God would do. One of my squamates shared her compelling testimony of God rescuing her from spending a decade in prison, and another shared a testimony from her perspective as a child with parents in prison. We witnessed 5 people give their life to Christ and it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve witnessed on the race. As I walked out of there last week, I was struck by a picture of a metaphorical prison I saw myself in.
Let me explain by starting with a story.
I’m reading the book Redeeming Love inspired by the Bible story of Hosea. Here’s a little background knowledge: The prophet Hosea is asked by God to marry a prostitute and demonstrate God’s love to her through marriage though she leaves Him multiple times for her old lifestyle, and yet, Hosea loves her unconditionally and welcomes her back each time. In Redeeming Love she is enslaved by her belief she isn’t worthy of her husband’s love or God’s love for that matter, nor of any value to him. So she continues down a path of sin and isolation when the answer to freedom is knocking at her door. Her husband’s love for her is relentless just as God’s love for us is. The story of Hosea parallels another bigger story in the Bible, of the relationship God has with Israel. He desires to lead them, though they rebel and turn away from God. You could sum up the whole Bible as a love story of God’s redemption for humankind. God doesn’t just want our salvation for eternity. He wants us to live a life of fullness, freedom and purpose now.
When I walked out of the gates, emotion swept over me. God gave me a picture of myself imprisoned at this same location locked behind one of those green doors. It struck me that the gates were wide open in my vision. So what did this mean?
Knowing the truth of God and walking in the truth of God’s freedom are two different things. I can sit inside the prison cell of self-consuming thoughts, condemnation over mistakes, living for approval and worldly success, insecurities, hurt, fear, lies of who I am and hopelessness, and think that’s just how it is. Following Jesus doesn’t mean I won’t face some of these things the rest of my life until I go to Heaven where there is no sin, only perfect communion with God. But I can walk out of the gate and into a new life right now without letting those things in prison DEFINE me. It’s a choice. According to the gospel I don’t have to be held back by any of it. And when I think of life like that prison cell with an open gate, why wouldn’t I get up and walk free?
Sometimes it’s not that easy. My head knows the truth, yet my heart doesn’t seem to follow. Or temptation finds us. Doubts start to settle. Lies creep in… I am not worthy. God would never forgive me for doing that. I am a huge disappointment and can’t do anything right. God doesn’t really love me, why would he let this happen? I’m better off alone. Why pray about it if I don’t see it changing? I could never face the rejection of this person, job opportunity… and on and on… the prison keeps us focused on ourselves. The more I turn to God and his truth, the lies dismantle and I live from a place of His approval and grace. God paid the price for me, and for everyone, by sending Jesus to die instead of us. That’s redemption. The cost of eternal life was death. The higher the cost, the higher the value. When we put our faith in Jesus he “opens the gate” to our new, true self and our old self is gone. We get a new identity. I am free to walk out and live by God’s standards, not by the world’s which means I am already loved and accepted without doing anything. It’s God’s grace, something freely given.
So in that moment walking out of prison I asked myself, am truly living from a place of full redemption, believing I’m made whole and Jesus is enough to cover ALL of the areas in my life? Or am I self-imprisoned because of deception seeping into my identity of who God calls me to be? Are there still parts of myself that I haven’t allowed God to heal or I haven’t found freedom in? It’s probably a bit of everything. I believe in Jesus, yet sometimes it’s still hard to invite Him in the ugly parts of myself. My pride keeps me away. Though the truth is that He wants me to come just as I am and redefine me as His.
I am learning to take some time to determine lies I believe and where in my life they are rooted. As I speak truth over them I gain confidence to walk in freedom of who God says I am: Beloved, chosen, and treasured. Accepting redemption and giving all of myself to God is where I find freedom. If I leave any part of myself in the prison I am not fully walking into my new identity and all that God has freely given me. The beautiful part is that it’s not all up to me. God is in relentless pursuit. We just need to stop, be still, and look around.
Hosea 2:14
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her,” (says the Lord).
Psalm 130:7-8
O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
From all his inequities.
Ephesians 1:7
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace.
In love and peace,
Eva <3
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