When a person asks her friends, family, supporters, and let’s be honest…total and complete strangers for $16,000 so she can traverse the globe for a year sharing Jesus with anyone and everyone, one would think there would be a certain sense of responsibility to communicate with those who made such a journey possible financially. You would think it would go without saying that the selfless individuals who sacrificed their finances to see the Kingdom come on a worldwide scale deserve to know how this adventuring missionary had reaped their sowing efforts for the Gospel.
Well…I think it also goes without saying that this adventuring missionary has kind of dropped the ball lately. Sure you’ve seen Instagram posts, facebook updates about my whereabouts, and an occasional text before I go to sleep at night. But beyond that, you haven’t really seen what the Lord is doing in and through myself and my team during our stretch in Southeast Asia. I haven’t informed you of all of the magnificent ways the Father has been leading me to repentance through His unending kindness. I haven’t shared the ways my team and I have poured into the ministries we have partnered with in Malaysia & Thailand since we departed Nepal. I have failed to include you, my faithful supporters, in the journey in pain, trust, vulnerability, brokenness, rejection, acceptance, and total and complete redemption that the Father has taken me on.
I sure hope you’ll forgive me.
And while I couldn’t even begin to depict the scene we saw as soon as we crossed the border in Burma, and you could never understand the weight of the pain as I cried myself to sleep day after day in Thailand because I continued to choose to sit in my feelings rather than bring them to the Father, there are a few things I can most definitely express through a simple blog post.
God is good, all the time, He is good. It’s His character, it’s immutable, it doesn’t change. Regardless of my circumstance, my own shortcomings, and all of the countless ways that I fall short on a daily basis, He’s a good, good Father.
God is radical. He doesn’t ask small things of us, He asks big things, HUGE things…the seemingly IMPOSSIBLE things. The requests where you respond with “say what?!” But His outrageous love, passionate pursuit, and perfection in all things never ever ever fails. He is a radical God because He is trustworthy. He comes through. He has proven Himself over and over and over again.
And while I’m nowhere close to having a complete grasp on these concepts, they are finally starting to seep in as actual truth for the very first time. Not just intellectual truths that I would proclaim in discussion or proudly post to my social media pages…but actual, deep, gut-wrenching, heart-transforming truth. God has taught me through pain, rejection, struggle, triumph, joy, service, patience, and His refining fire that I am so deeply loved by Him. And this love is ACTUALLY all I really need.
I may find comfort in my friends…but I only need Him.
I may find joy in my adventures…but I only need Him.
I may find security in my job…but I only need Him.
I may find peace in my comfort zone…but I only need Him.
But all of these things I find outside of the Father are only temporary. Temporary comfort. Short-lasted joy. A feigned sense of security. A peace that doesn’t even scratch the surface of what the Lord can offer me. In Him I find my rest, fullness of joy, eternal security, and a peace that surpasses all understanding.
