Most people who know me well are aware of my need to connect with people. I consistently long for intentional conversations, authentic relationships, and growing trust among the people I love. My heart beats to hear people’s stories…their hurt, their pain, their joy, their triumphs. God has wired me to love the feeling of meeting a stranger and within minutes feel like you’ve known them for years. And overall, most of my closeknit community has developed this way. I’ve always had those friends that you just “know” you will be friends with for years within moments of meeting them. I’ve been spoiled. I haven’t really had to work at it. My friends have just…happened.
For those of you reading this who aren’t familiar with the World Race community dynamic, I’ll save you the drawn-out explanation and just say this: you don’t always have the luxury of immediate connection. Sometimes you have people who rub you the wrong way, or people who you rub the wrong way. Rarely, you have people who you just straight up do not get along with. And still more often, you get people who you wouldn’t normally “choose” to be friends with in your “normal” life.
And for this feeler (Myers-Briggs anyway)…that’s hard. Real hard.
God so graciously gave me that connection I have been so longing for last night. After a long day of ministry, not feeling well, a self-inflicted isolation from my team, and a sorry-for-myself attitude the whole day…Team Awaken ended up with dish duty at dinner. Awesome.
NOT.
I hate dishes.
Seriously. My absolute least favorite chore.
I was reminded of Colossians 3:23
“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.”
About 20 minutes into dish duty, it seemed like we hadn’t even made a dent in the pile. I was frustrated. I just wanted to go in my room and put on a movie, disconnecting myself even further. (I know…asinine) I had given up on talking to God about how isolated I felt. I didn’t think He cared about how much I missed my friends, or the way I felt so known, so safe when I was with them. I wasn’t bothering to even consider the verse that God had just prompted me with moments before.
(I know this story is long…hang in there)
I took a break and let someone else jump into my role and went into the living room for a few minutes. I was so happy to see Kalah, one of my best friend’s on our squad sitting on the couch. I sat and talked to her for a few minutes, chatting about old stories about my life before the race. And just like that…I got some not-so-fun-but-oh-so-needed feedback from her. Love that girl.
In all her wisdom and love, Kalah pointed out that I preface most of my stories and anecdotes with “Wait…you didn’t know this already?” or “I can’t believe I haven’t told you this!” And it makes it seem to the person listening that they don’t give a crap about what I have to say, or that they didn’t bother to remember a story I’ve told them a hundred times.
OUCH.
She so graciously identified how I was inflicting this “not feeling known” feeling upon myself. We’ve been on the race (including launch) for just 20 days. Twenty. Days. That’s barely anything! And that relationships take work. They take time. Sharing a common thread of Jesus allows us to lead with vulnerability, knowing that we are sharing life with people who pour out grace, mercy, and love. God doesn’t work on our timeline. And good thing…because His plans are FAR more perfect than we could ever ask or imagine.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11
After returning to the kitchen and taking over rinsing duty, Shania Twain blasted through our speakers. Within seconds, our entire team (plus a few extras) were screaming “MAN! I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!” at the top of our lungs (including our two boys). Wow, God. You always show up.
We danced, we sang, we laughed, we made a few silly videos. And before I knew it, dishes were over (and I was bummed about it)
God continues to lavish His grace on me, amidst my sour attitude, my confusion of “wants” and “needs,” and so lovingly reminds me that He has me right where I am for a specific purpose. He has brought each person on my team and on my squad into my life for a reason. He has us in Quito for intentional purposes. He has a design for Team Awaken’s job at COVi. He knew before it all began.
He always meets my frustration with grace.
Thank the Lord that He is God and I’m human.
