The last couple weeks in Chiang Mai have been really awesome. Our ministry is fairly structured and somewhat tedious (which I actually enjoy) but life here has been good. The Lord is doing good things in my heart. Looking back on my time here the Lord continues to be faithful, bless me, teach me, and satisfy me.
UPDATE ON MY FAST AND MY FOCUS
In one of my somewhat recent blogs I talked about being motivated by the grace of God to give up all entertainment that didn’t focus me on God or wasn’t done in community. This was for the purpose of having more time to focus directly on God in prayer, time in the Word, and continuing to discipline my mind to be in constant communion with the one whom I adore and who has promised me rest and satisfaction in His presence.
An update on that: I have grown used to not having the books and games I liked to play on my own. Not having that has been easy. My days here are busy and I am able to fill my time with lots of productive, missional, and God focused things. There doesn’t seem enough time in the day for everything. I wake early and go to bed late. Workout, reading, devo, ministry (handing out fliers and tedious office work), storytelling work (reading blogs, commenting, encouraging people), team time, possibly a movie or game with some teammates. There are so many more things to do; I neglect prayer (big time) and time meditating on the Word. I’m tired. I’m seeking rest in the Lord. Disciplining my mind to constantly be in communion with God has been difficult. But I am making little steps.
And despite all my efforts to live as pure and focused on God as possibly I’ve still fallen into lustful temptation. It always leaves me empty. I am disregarding God and filling up on self. It is a bitter sweet drink. It tastes good but shrivels my soul and leaves me thirstier still. There is no satisfaction. I’m still overwhelmed by God’s affection for me. He’s picked me up every time I’ve fallen; showing me the beauty in my brokenness; turning my tears of sorrow into shouts of praise.
ACCOUNTABILITY, TEAM TIME, AND SEXUAL PURITY
Something one of my teammates, Will, has said a lot is that if lust is here on the Race then how much more so will it be back at home. I’m starting to realize the temptations will always be there. But how I deal with it is another thing. So we are all seeking to address it now while we have each other and the ability to keep accountable. I’ve always struggled with accountability and vulnerability. But we are now going to bring it up every night when we have team time. So far it’s been awesome! Team time has become something I genuinely love because of the authenticity, acceptance, vulnerability, and encouragement. But also because of all the laughs had. It is the one time of day where we are all sure to be together and get to enjoy each other’s presence.
I read an article a few days ago by Pastor John Piper called Battling the Unbelief of Lust (https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/battling-the-unbelief-of-lust). Highly recommend. He defined lust as a sexual desire that dishonors it’s object and disregards God. I don’t want to dishonor women. I most certainly don’t want to disregard God! He is my everything.
As we’ve talked as a team, I’ve realized how easy it is to lust and how many opportunities there are! Society is almost counting on men to lust. That is why so many things are over-sexualized. It’s everywhere: internet, movies, TV shows, social media, commercials, advertisements, magazines, billboards, etc. Even things as “innocent” as second glances or lingering are all caused by lust. In those moments I am seeking for something to satisfy me other than God. And it’s so easy to get away with it, to justify it even. No one but God and I know in most situations. And there seems to be no harm in the moment. But there is harm. It is dishonoring women and disregarding God, hindering my intimacy with Him.
In His article John Piper concludes that the best way to fight lust is to feed faith with the knowledge of and experience in the presence of an irresistibly glorious God. After reading 1 Thessalonians 4:5 he implies that the root of lust is not knowing God (both in head and heart). He says of the knowledge of God: “It’s a knowledge that is so real, so precious, so satisfying to your soul, that any thought, any attitude, any emotion, any addiction which threatens to hinder this knowledge will be attacked with all the spiritual zeal of a threatened life. This is the fight of faith that rages in the godly soul when lust lures the mind away from God.”
I am seeking this knowledge of God. I want this to be true in my life. And I believe that by God’s grace I am making baby steps towards this. I’m seeking to abide in the glorious knowledge and wonderful delight and satisfaction that is in the presence of God. But continually I am seeking more.
JUST ANOTHER NIGHT ON THE RACE (IN CHIANG MAI)
My life here in Chiang Mai is nothing like I expected the Race to look like. I’m almost continually dumbfounded that this is my life. Though it’s more comfortable and normal than I expected, the Lord is using it in amazing ways.
As I’ve given up my phone and focused more on the Lord throughout my day I’m finding joy in the little things. One such example: I realized recently that since I have WiFi here I can stream BeachbodyOnDemand! Super excited to do some of the workouts I’ve missed. I’ve genuinely enjoyed cooking dinner at the base most nights. Jordy and Joe are the most consistent to join me. Most often I make sauteed cabbage, broccoli, green beans, and have chicken legs and of course, oatmeal. We’ve also been playing a lot of Settlers of Catan recently which I love! In our most recent game I was full of joy as we played. I don’t think it was just because I normally win and was on that path again. I am filled with giddy joy; just at being here, playing with friends, and being aware of the blessings you’ve poured out on me; not least of which is a full stomach of good and fresh food. In the middle of the game I stood up saying: “I’m going to have some oatmeal because it makes me happy!” And it does. I’m growing more grateful for the little pleasures God has given me.
Later that night I sat at my computer and thanked God. Jordy plays the guitar and sings in the corner filling my soul with a pleasing melody. Blake and Noah sit at the table playing Crossy Roads, intent and serious, frustrated but laughing. I sit here finding rest in you. Thank you for the joy of youth and an adventurous life ahead of me. And the joy that it will be lived with you. And a wonderful expectation I have ahead of me. This life of joy and pleasure; rain and sun; pain and restoration; mourning and comforting; waiting and receiving; seeking despairingly and finding delightedly; through every turn of season and life you remain constant. You remain faithful to fill me up when I seek you. You are my love and I adore you. You are my everything. Oh Lord to sit in this beautiful moment with you. Praises for the hope ahead. Thank you that this is not it. As wonderful as you are in this moment you have so much more. You are always enough; yet I can never get enough of you; to my delight you continue to reveal more of yourself to me.
Last thing: I want to post a Q and A blog soon so if you have any questions at all regarding me, the Race, spiritual growth, growth in general, culture, ministry, favorite things to do, etc. please comment or message me. Any question AT ALL and I’d be delighted to answer.
