(I wrote this blog on Sunday but because I haven’t been within WiFi for a while I haven’t posted till now.)
I’ve seen and experienced some crazy things this first week of ministry. I’ve grown exponentially and it’s only week 1! Throughout the week I’ve heard many first hand accounts of miracles. Bones have been realigned, muscle pains have been alleviated, and many have been saved. But not only is God at work around me; He is at work in me.
My ministry is largely ATL (ask the Lord). We go through San Louis meeting people, relating with people, sharing the Gospel, and praying over people. The goal is to create a church that rallies around us and follows us in ATL and brings a revival to San Louis. This made me very anxious though because I don’t normally “hear” the voice of the Lord “clearly.” When I get a thought from the Holy Spirit such as, “go pray for him,” I overthink everything till I’m confused and the man is long gone. “What will I say?” “Does the Lord really want me to?” “Someone else has a better vision of where to go.” This is my thought process that leads me into disobedience.
The first few days of ministry I prayed so much for the Lord to make his voice “clear” to me. To speak to me as a child and make it 100% obvious what He wants me to do. I asked for visions or images to direct me. Nothing. Lord I don’t understand; make things clear to me like you do for others, I prayed.
A message from one of our leaders was focused on John 10:1-5. “The sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He call his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice.” – John 10:3b-4. I realized that I do know the voice of my Lord. It is subtle and quiet but it is most definitely there. I have just chosen to ignore it because I am afraid. Afraid that the Lord won’t show up and that I’ll make a fool of myself. Afraid that I will fail and damage my pride.
Something we had also been talking about the last few days was healing and prayer. Something our leadership emphasizes is not requesting healing when praying over someone. This goes against what I have grown up thinking. I have always thought that it was better to come to the Lord in humility and meekly make requests. Which it may be in some circumstances. But God has made us His sons and daughters and has given us authority in His name. God has granted us the power of healing and we just need to have faith and trust in Him. I don’t need to ask for healing. I need to have faith and simply command healing in Jesus’ name for His glory. a
It is scary being out in the field meeting and praying for random people. What I have to realize though is that they aren’t random people. God is orchestrating it all and is leading me to people even when it seems random. On Thursday I had ATL with a girls team at a different ministry site. We met some really cool people and got to pray for them as well. The first family we met was shucking some corn that was white and dry. Insects had gotten in and ruined it. The family was in such a state that they were still going to eat it though. At once I thought of how Jesus could make the corn yellow and juicy again. I wanted to pray for that. But I was afraid of what those around me would think and I didn’t believe my faith was strong enough. So I stayed silent.
Later that day we met a man whose mother and daughter both had knee pains. Brook (one of my squad mates) and I commanded healing over the daughter and thanked the Lord for releasing His healing to her. At first it didn’t seem as if she was healed. She didn’t react like it. But when asked she said her pain was gone. The girls grandmother hadn’t been healed when the others prayed over her though. So Brook and I joined in for a second prayer. She felt a little better after that so we prayed a third time and she was healed! They thanked us much as we left. I honestly didn’t know what to think.
That night Nick, one of my teammates, had some foot pain. I prayed over it not exactly expecting anything to happen. Low and behold he was healed. In that moment my belief had been so low that I was dumbfounded that the Lord had worked through me.
Saturday is when my mind was blown. It was my off day and I was chilling in Antigua with some friends. We had spent a few hours at Taco Bell soaking up the WiFi there and then had gone on a hike overlooking the city. On our way back to the buses we stopped at a coffee shop. As I waited, right there I noticed a middle aged woman without either of her legs. She was lying on her back with a cushion under her. Many people walked by. Most ignored her; some gave money and continued on. I knew I should go pray for her. I wanted to pray for healing and for her to be able to walk again. But I was so afraid! My faith isn’t there yet I told myself. I don’t have the faith to make her walk. After a mental battle I did go up to her and pray for her. But not for healing; for provision and for her to know and experience God’s love. I gave her 10 Q and walked away knowing I had done good but had not really obeyed the voice of the Lord.
That evening some squad-mates were talking about prophecy and for some reason they think I have great potential for prophecy. I honestly don’t know why because I have never seen or heard much when I’ve tried. They wanted me to prophecy over Kelsey. I was very hesitant and didn’t really want to. But I realized I should, just for the sake of stepping out of my comfort zone. I prayed to God and asked for something. After a moment I thought of a beach and some waves washing up some sand dollars. Kelsey was dumbfounded! That was a significant part of her past.
It took a bit of coaxing but eventually Kelsey agreed to prophecy over me as well. She got an image of a sea parting (just like the Red Sea in the Old Testament). She told me that I need to step out in faith and perform miracles. That I need to get rid of whatever fears are holding me back. I need to go all in and trust God 100%. That hit me square between the eyes because that is exactly what God has been teaching me this week. I need to trust Him and step out in faith, casting aside all fear and all comfort. I don’t know what would have happened if I had prayed in faith and authority over the women with no legs or the dried up corn. I’m not convinced that if I had prayed for either of those things they would have been done. But I must be obedient to the Lord know matter what I think the outcome will be. And failure in my eyes isn’t failure in His. Obedience is all the Lord wants from me.
Kelsey also reminded me of how Roberto likened me to the prophet Ezekiel speaking life over dry bones. Roberto had also prophesied over me several days ago. He had seen a tree with deep roots. I was the tree and the deep roots were my strong faith and connection to the Holy Spirit.
All of this is so so so crazy! I’m no Moses! The Lord is asking me to do things that I mever in my wildest imagined. But didn’t even Moses doubted his ability to be the Lord’s servant. Really it’s not about my ability. It’s about my willingness to stay intimate with the Lord and to listen and obey.
Lord I’m stepping out in faith now as I want to claim things I don’t yet feel to be true. I am a miracle worker. I can do anything for you and with you. I can heal the sick. I can part the waters. I can prophecy and encourage. I can hear your voice as clear as day. I am obedient. I am a man of unshakable and unstoppable faith. I am a man of the Holy Spirit. I am your child and I have authority over this world because you have given it to me.
All of this fills me with excitement but also with fear. Am I ready to dismantle my pride and ego and put my faith in the Lord? Am I ready to step out and trust that the Lord will catch me? Do I truly believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me?
“Lord, I do believe. Help me in my unbelief.”
