It’s been about 9 months since I got off the Race and almost 6 months since my last post. I’ve been meaning too for a long time now. One of the reasons I haven’t written is that I never feel like I can accurately sum up what the Lord is doing in my life. Partially because oftentimes I don’t know what the Lord is up to till months later. In the thick of it I have no idea what’s going on! But I finally decided to write this because I owe it to you my amazing supporters to let you know how the Lord is impacting me post-Race. And because God has been so faithful to me and I want to share that. Or if you just want to skip all that you can scroll to the bottom for some picture highlights.
FALL: SEARCHING
Since mid September I’ve been living with my grandparents in Redmond Oregon going to Central Oregon Community College. Moving to Redmond was a huge change. I was no longer constantly listening to blaring music from one of my siblings jamming out (probably Jeremiah). I was no longer able to partake in things that have always been a part of my life (family walks, board games, watching movies in the evenings, etc.). Nana and Grampy have loved having me and I love being here but it’s still very quiet and not a lot happens. Even though I had been expecting all of this, loneliness still tears at the heart.
I started searching for community as soon as I got to Redmond. I hardly knew anyone here. I explored several different churches in Redmond and Bend. I tried out several different college groups. Finding/building community or even making friends for that matter is hard when you’re busy with school and work and have to balance your schedule. (You can’t live with your friends 24/7 like on the Race.)
One of the communities that I found during this time was Cru (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ). Braeden connected me with their leader (Mark Lovejoy) before I arrived in Redmond and that was the biggest blessing. He lovingly sought me out and we’ve tried to meet weekly as often as we can since then. Another Cru leader (Justin Crawford) was a companion to me throughout fall quarter as well. Even though I only saw each of them about weekly their encouragement and support was steadying. But I was still lacking the friendships I craved on the daily.
There were many many days when I’d come back home from a busy and eventful day and not be able to share it with anyone. Many evenings alone (after my grandparents are in bed) reflecting on the Race, missing friends, and getting melancholy. But there’s a sweetness I’ve found in the loneliness. It reminds me more fully that the Lord is with me. It gives me greater comfort that He is my ever present companion who knows and cares for every detail of my day. Realizing my need for love and connection, most fully for God, is the greatest gift of loneliness.
One of the biggest discouragements throughout the fall was my continued struggle with lust. I feel like I’ve learned so much in the past months and years, so why do I keep giving in to this? There’s not one answer to this. But I do know that the Lord uses all things for good. Even sin. He’s continuing to show me His loving kindness and neve ending patience. I’m drawn back into His presence by His grace because of my many sins. So true are the words of Jesus that he who has been forgiven much loves much.
One of the things that drew me deeper into His love was the practices of spiritual breathing that Cru taught. Just as we continuously breath in and out physically we must do the same spiritually. Breath in (surrender to the Holy Spirit and ask for transformation) and breath out (confess sin and thank God for His neverending forgiveness). We need both together and 100% of the time. This was a very helpful practice for me. And I’ve been focusing on it for about five months now.
Winter: Finding
I’ve already talked about Cru a little but going into Christmas break I had decided that I wanted to be more active there. To go to their weekly Bible study on the Bend COCC campus and make relationships with the students there. Justin, two of the other COCC students, and I starting meeting weekly to talk about temptation, sin, life, freedom in Christ, and other biblical truths. And though I’m not able to see those guys every day the Lord is showing me what it means to be brothers with them and how we can still encourage each other each day. Meeting with them has fanned the flame of my passion for Jesus.
I’ve started just refocusing on the basic truths of the Gospel and my identity in Christ. So many of them have lost their power and influence because of familiarity. Deciding to refocus on some of these and meditate on them has been the best thing I could have done. The Lord’s been teaching me a lot and maybe I’ll go into further detail of that in a future blog. It’s hard to explain but I’ve just felt very filled up by the life of God and am excited for what he’s teaching me. I’m been seeking to create space for Him and He’s been faithful to fill it.
What’s To Come?
A question I’m always asking myself. I’ve done a lot of thinking about the future and seeking the Lord’s will. I’ve decided that after I finish my AA here at COCC this spring I’ll transfer to OSU (and start in the fall) and seek a speech communication degree. I’m excited to study relationships and communication and know that I will use what I learn no matter where I end up. I’ve also been accepted as a summer intern for Washington Family Ranch and will be working on the zip and swing for three months. I’m super excited for the opportunity to lead and disciple SS, to work my heart out for kids to hear the Gospel, and to live in 24/7 community with christian brothers.
I know this blog is long and a little all over the place. But I just wanted to briefly summarize the last 6 months. I think I’ll try and put out another blog within a month more focused on specific things the Lord has been teaching me.
Now For Some Pictures
One of my good friends who grew up on the ranch got married in September and I had the pleasure of being in his wedding. This is all of us property staff kids reunited at the wedding.
I went rafting with Cru twice this fall. Was a complete blast!
Went rock climbing with Cru as well.
Went hiking up by Steelhead Falls with Justin and Dave from Cru on a gorgeous afternoon this fall. Was probably 45 degrees out. So naturally we decided to dive into the ice cold water.
Cut down some trees with some Cru leaders and COCC students.
Getting to spend Christmas at home this year with the family was so good!
After Christmas flew to Nashville and met up with my World Race team for a road trip reunion which lasted just over a week. Was so good to be with them all again! I got to show them the Ranch which was super awesome. It felt like I went back in time. It was so natural to be with them again and felt like I was back on the Race. It’s sad being in a different season of life now. But God is so good and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
