“This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”
Well, I survived Training Camp! It was a week of being cold, eating weird things, and getting to know a LOT of people. To me Training Camp felt like an invitation, welcoming me to a process that was uncomfortable, but guaranteed authenticity; I just had to submit to the process. There was a lot I was uncomfortable with, including me being vulnerable, but I knew I’d see good fruit if I did, so I just did my best to trust the process and dive in.
Something that God brought to surface through my vulnerability that week was how much “death” I speak over myself. I knew I didn’t like myself in a lot of ways, but I didn’t think that it was harmful to anyone or God if I thought those things, because they were negative thoughts about myself and not anyone else. It was me hurting me and for whatever reason that was ok, in my head. But something my trainers and squad leaders reinforced throughout that week was that we needed to start speaking life over ourselves.
I have been so blind as to how my struggle affects everyone. It affects how much someone can know me, or how much I trust. My struggle is hidden compared to someone with an eating disorder, but it’s just as harmful. The lies eat away my soul leaving my spirit emaciated and I’m left questioning how I’m going to survive a lifetime with these lies that I think are true.
Some of these lies feel so much like truth that I have a hard time knowing where to start. The truth can feel too good to be true and I’m afraid if I start believing I’ll be disappointed. But, if I’m truly going to live out of faith, I NEED to start believing it. So, I’m trying my very best, one moment at a time.
