This past month has been a whirlwind. I flew home to Georgia on April 1st. I spent a day with my family before renting a car and heading to Columbus, Georgia for my cousin, Alisha’s wedding. It was such a delight to see her get married to the man of her dreams. I remember her talking to me about him two years prior to him ever asking her out. She never talked about boys; she usually would listen to me talk about boys and give me advice. I told her she shouldn’t pay Jack any attention especially if he was taking so long to ask her out. What I love about Alisha is that she knows what she wants. In her career she has pursued it and has reached remarkable levels, but at the same time she has grace to wait for the things that are truly worth it. I would ask her about other boys, but she would always bring Jack back up. Her eyes were set on him and she waited, patiently.
I flew to Romania a week later and missed my flight in Warsaw and had a twelve-hour lay over. God must have known I needed some time to myself. I read half a book at a cute coffee shop in the middle of the terminal and got asked to prom by a young man from Florida. I told him it would probably be illegal, but I was flattered.
I was greeted in Romania by my amazing team; Jacquelyn literally ran across the street yelling, “Esther Barnes!” It felt like seeing family again. It’s funny how after only four months you can grow to love a group of amazing women so much. Each one of these girls have been instrumental to my growth these past four months, I am grateful for them.
I only spent a little over a week in Pitesti doing ministry with gypsy children. The kids were precious. I walked into ministry our first day and was greeted by hugs and kisses from children who have never even met me, there was instant trust. I know this trust was only because Cristy, our contact, had spent so much time with his family establishing the ministry; building trust with the children and their families. We as a team were so blessed to get to be a part of such an amazing community.
During my week there I found out a good friend of our family’s son had died. It was hard for my family, especially my Dad to see them go through the grief of losing their child.
Only a couple days after that my sister gave birth to my first nephew, Marston Atticus Stephen Bunting. I got to Skype in when my family went in to meet him for the first time. It was so specialto see this new season of my sister’s life; she has wanted to be a mom for a very long time.
A day or so after Marston was born I got an email from my mom telling me my Grandma Ruth was sick. She has cancer and not the good kind, if there is a good kind, the kind with a time frame. I was able to Skype with Grandma yesterday. She is such an amazing woman of faith. She told my mom, “God can do what he needs to do,” I don’t think there is a better description of bravery when looking death in the face and having a response like that. I’m so proud of her.
My Grandma Ruth is awesome. When her and my Granddad lived in Georgia they would have me spend an occasional weekend with them. My mom wasn’t one to give us soda growing up, but Grandma always gave me a can of Pepsi with my turkey sandwich for lunch. We would go on walks and she would show me her sewing, she is an amazing seamstress. She is a woman of prayer and believes in the sovereignty of God, I just love that about her. She and Granddad have supported me on EVERY mission trip I have ever been on.
In the chaos of all of this I’ve been learning about gratitude. I’ve been reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. She referenced the passage 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
This is a hard concept to embrace because I can analyze my life and think, “well if only my Grandma didn’t have cancer, “ or, “If I had that then I’d be happy.” But, I decided not to live life with that mindset anymore, it delays joy for the perfect circumstances that could possibly never happen. I want joy to be tangible no matter my circumstances.
After I read that passage I wrote a list of ten things I’d never naturally think to say thank you for. I know they are strange things to be thankful for, but in doing so it has helped me to find beauty in the not so beautiful. I thought maybe I’d share them with you, maybe if you feel like you are sitting in a patch of thorns writing a list like this will help you find the roses.
1. Thank you God for conflict with people. Thank you for the times I fight with people because it is evidence that I feel something that I have passion. It shows I care and have an opinion and value myself enough to stand up for something.
2. Thank you for death. Thank you, because death is what makes life so valuable and wisdom so necessary.
3. Thank you God that I am single. I have learned so much through this time. I have had some awesome relationships that have helped in shaping me and have also helped create a vision of what I hope for in my future spouse.
4. Thank you God that I get frustrated with certain people sometimes. Frustration drives me to my knees; it is what pushes me to seek your thoughts so that I can reach resolution of some sort.
5. Thank you for this time on the World Race. This isn’t something I wanted, but needed. I’m so grateful for what I have learned and know I wouldn’t change my decision looking back.
6. Thank you God for insecurity because it reminds me of my need for you and that my strength isn’t enough.
7. Thank you God for tears. They unveil the mysteries of the heart.
8. Thank you God that when evil happens in the world the good people unite and fight for what is right.
9. Thank you for stagnant seasons because they teach me the power of intentionality.
10. Thank you that I will never fully understand the pain of this world nor fathom the wonders of your grace. My limits help me recognize your greatness.
Please read these knowing that I don’t truly like any of these things to happen, nor “delight” in those circumstances. I wish them to always happen less, but these are situations I have encountered and rarely have control over and wouldn’t naturally be grateful for.
I’m on a hunt for beauty.
