Just like that, Christmas has gone and New Years is right around the corner! What a trip it has been. I’m not sure about everyone else, but the holiday season flew by. Every year there is a build up of anticipation for whats known as “the best time of year.” Christmas decorations go up, the shopping beings, before you know it, you’re welcoming in the new year. But this year was a bit of a flash. I blinked and here I am, writing about the past.
As I try to digest what life has been like for the last two months, I can’t help but wonder; is the race to blame for this speedy transition? Not in a bad way, but in a sense that the reality is, I won’t be here next year. I’ll be spending ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ somewhere in Asia. Knowing this, I put so much pressure on the holidays, causing them to slip right out from beneath me. I was fixated on getting the perfect tree, cause I won’t be here next year to enjoy it. Picking out the best presents for my family, cause I won’t be able to gift them with anything next year. Spending equal amounts of time with everyone, cause i’ll miss them while I’m gone. And taking the perfect pictures, cause I won’t be in them next year and lets be real no one in my family knows how to photoshop (ugh).
And as all this nonsense that eventually turns into regret lands on my shoulders, I feel as if I did it all wrong. We didn’t pick out the perfect tree. I didn’t get my family the perfect gift. I didn’t manage my time well, resulting in missed hangouts with certain friends. I looked like a scrub in all the pictures so now I wish I weren’t even in them (ugh x2).
Reality is, these are just dates. Dates marked on all American calendars stating that people long ago were like, “cool, this will be the day we say ____ happened and this will be the day ____ happened.”
Christmas is the celebration of the coming of our righteous Savior. Shouldn’t that be celebrated everyday? Why does a calendar have to tell me to rejoice about that on one specific day of the year? And New Years? Really, what even is that?! It’s kinda like a ‘redo’ button for all of us to start fresh. Why cant we just choose to do that tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the next?!
All this to say, that yes, even though I won’t technically be in the states next holiday season, that doesn’t mean I don’t get to enjoy today. The days that have no special date on the calendar, but are still meaningful. The memories that I am grateful I get to collect each day that’ll keep me going when I’m missing home.
I thank God for the overwhelming joy He provides; a joy only He can provide. I’m choosing today, and all that is set for it. My soul is so ready for Aug. 2019, but there is still so much growth that needs to happen between then, and this very moment.
Thank you (again) to everyone who has reached out with love and support. I can’t emphasize how much your words of encouragement mean to me. We’re a team and I am ecstatic to share this season of life with y’all.
To all the generous donors who have faithfully put their trust in the Lord with their finances to support me; I admire you. I thank you. I don’t know how i’ll ever be able to express the fullness of my gratitude. I’m praying for each and every one of you.
To Him be the glory forever and ever.
I have come to this place in my life
I’m full but I’m not satisfied
This longing to have more of You
