Hey everyone!
Well I have been debating whether or not I was going to share these things that were really placed on my heart during each month of the Race – however insignificant they may seem, they are very personal, special, and were completely between me and Abba as He took my hand and we journeyed through many joyful and difficult times together this past year.
He has been impressing it upon me to share them – I do so with a deep sense of awe and praise. Looking back and seeing how He was moving in my heart, I know it was part of His good, pleasing and perfect plan for my Race, however, it did not come at a small or easy price.
It took intentional time, effort, and diligence to press into these things Abba spoke to me about.
I began every single month in prayer, asking Him what it was He wanted to reveal to me or teach me or what He wanted me to focus on and grow in that month. At the end of the month I would spend focused time looking back and celebrating the ways He showed up, reflecting on the word, phrase, concept or trait that He revealed to me.
I also decided at the beginning of my race that I wanted to conquer a fear every month. If you kept up with my blogs, you might remember some of these!
Following are some of the heart issues, concepts and fears that I worked through and conquered while on the Race. There was a lot of transformation that occurred in more ways than one, but this is some of the personal transformation that happened in my own heart amidst those.
Enjoy!
1.) BOLIVIA = Are you All In?
There I was at the edge of the cliff….not just physically, but spiritually as well. In this first month on the race, God clearly asked me as I stood there looking over the edge into a huge canyon of the Andes Mountains, “Are you all in Esther? I am asking you to jump off this cliff and show me by your actions that you are all in for the journey that is ahead. Do you trust me?”
Conquered Fear —-> Fear of heights and fear of what was to come in the next 11 months. When I spread my arms and jumped off that cliff, something shifted in my heart…..all of a sudden I was all in for whatever God had for me on the World Race.
2.) PERU = It’s not about me!
As my team and I left the house and realized our prayers for the physical healing of a bedridden little girl were not answered, my confidence was rattled. Doubts and uncertainty began to consume my thoughts:
“Do I not have enough faith for this? Did we not pray passionately enough? Why does God heal sometimes and not others, especially when the family is seeking His face so desperately? I don’t have enough experience in situations like this! God why was it my team? Maybe if it was someone else, the situation would’ve looked differently.”
One of the biggest things God placed on my heart from that night is realizing to my very core that it’s not about me! It’s not my level of faith or ability to heal, or influence to touch people through preaching/speaking/praying etc. It’s God in me. He works in and through me according to His good, pleasing and perfect will.
Conquered Fear —-> Fear that I don’t have enough faith or experience for God to work through me, especially regarding physical healing.
3.) ECUADOR = Why else are you here?
I was sitting on the hammock at debrief, talking to my squad leader. I told him I had been crying for two days straight and I just decided I couldn’t handle the pain of saying goodbye anymore. I was convinced I could not do it another 8 times. So I concluded I would just have to be more withdrawn, not invest into the people and ministries quite as much, and not go too deep with them because I am too loyal and it just hurt too much to have to say goodbye. God spoke through him the words that shattered me to the core and rocked my entire view of not only life on the Race but life in general. “Esther, why else are you here? Why else are you here but to invest in people fully, to love well, and to pour your heart out to everyone you come in contact with?”
Conquered Fear —-> Fear of having to say goodbye in the other places and feel such a deep level of pain again.
4.) COLOMBIA = Rise up Beloved
Early mornings overlooking the city of Bogotá from the church on the mountain couldn’t have been more endearing to me during this month. I rose before the sun and had such sweet communion with the Father. It was a month of quieting my spirit, listening, learning to be in tune on an even deeper level and it was more beautiful than the sunrise that I sang His praises to each morning. As I leaned into what He was whispering to me, I started to feel Him call me to a higher level of responsibility. He impressed upon me that for so long I had people pouring into me, guiding and encouraging me along my faith walk. I felt Him challenge me…”It is time for you to rise up beloved, and start doing the same for others now.” At the end of the month, I was asked to be a Raised up Squad Leader.
Conquered Fear —-> Fear of rising into the position of Squad Leader and overcoming the feelings that I was not ready for it.
5.) Japan = Rest
Almost halfway through the race, training to be a squad leader and now with a heap more responsibilities, I started understanding how there truly is no way to function well in life unless it is through a deep state of rest from being in the Father’s presence everyday. Fall in Japan was the most beautiful, spirit renewing, restful place for me as I lived on a mountain and could take early morning hikes in the surrounding woods and gardens, enjoying closeness in one of my favorite places to be with the Lord. I learned in order to lead, serve and love well, I needed to guard the state of my soul and nurture a state of rest. Taking care of ourselves is so often looked down upon as being selfish and not loving others. I realized in order for me to love others, I had to love myself and make sure my own body mind and spirit was healthy and whole before the Lord.
Conquered Fear —-> Fear of what others think of me when I do what I need to do to be in a state of rest.
