As I sit here on my bed in Albania, I’m looking out my window watching the sunset under the mountains– what an awesome space to reflect in, right? So naturally, I find myself reflecting on the past year of my life. I’m in disbelief that it’s quickly coming to an end. One more week of Albania. Next stop, month eleven.
In this moment, I’m reminded of how I felt just weeks before launch. Counting down the days until I left life as I knew it for an entire year. All while knowing I would not come back the same. It’s a strange feeling! And that same strange feeling is oddly familiar right now for these reasons:
- Disbelief of how fast time goes by
- Heart pounding of the unknown I’m about to enter into.
- Excitement for the next step
- What the hell is going to happen
Pre-race to present, after all the stress and worry, here I am. Laughing at all the mess I lost sleep over leading up to the race. I’m craving to feel that way for my next move. I know in my heart that everything will be great but it’s a constant reminder for my head!
It’s amazing to look back and see how “normal” the race has become. That traveling from country to country is my new “normal life”. It’s a beautiful life. It’s a challenging life. It’s a life full of community, Holy Spirit, and intentionality.
I remember applying for the race, I constantly had those “how the heck is this actually going to happen” moments. I find myself returning to those thoughts because I don’t know what my “next” will look like. But this time around, I have more faith in my best friend, Jesus. More trust. He tells me to overlook the world and fix my focus on Him.
I’m in awe of what the Lord has done in and through this life. It’s sobering. Humbling. I can hardly put it into words at times.
Sometimes I have to ask the Lord, “why me?” I always knew I was made for more than the status quo. But here’s the thing, never did I actually think I would be doing THIS. I look at my backpack on the floor with my few overwork t-shirts scattered and it’s hard to picture life without it.
Content yet hungry for so much more. Not wanting to leave yet counting down the minutes until the next session. Dreaming big and boldly yet strangely timid in the moment to take that next step.
All this to say, I’m having CONSTANT back and fourth moments of counting down the days until I get to throw my arms around my family, my bed, my pup, and the comforts of home. But at the same time, I never want this life to end. I never want to stop needing Jesus. I never want to stop having kingdom vision.
“This is only the beginning”, He tells me.
