Whenever I face seasons of transitions (first day of college, college graduation, post-grad to over seas missions) I always come face to face with a slideshow of memories that blink through my mind at a pace I cannot seem to savor fast enough.
With Africa coming to a close, 4 beautiful and extremely challenging months, I feel a wave of nostalgia wash over me.
I was laying in my Malawi bed, the mattress thin and covered with lake flies that I couldn’t keep away. I let my mind drift into that memory slideshow. I like to see where they go.
I began to think about this one time, where an absolute stranger asked me to shoot her wedding in Arizona. About this time last year, I decided to go to refresh my soul. I got on a plane with my camera, and hoped this random internet stranger wasn’t going to murder me.
Spoiler: they didn’t.
A year ago, I was in a new season. A season of new relationships, of healing from past relationships, of new dreams (the world race).
life was so different and morphing faster than i could digest.
healing was taking place that needed to happen and those Tucson rooftop sunsets really seemed to make it easier.
That week at a random young-life house redeemed December for me, where previously it felt scarred, rigid, and stone cold.
I love new places.
I love how they make me feel.
They somehow make me feel new too.
and almost, insignificant.
Where I find a lot of joy in being fully known, paradoxically,
I also find a lot of freedom in being completely invisible.
I felt like vapor.
Just existing.
Soaking it all in: the flat landscape, the cacti-filled yards and sidewalks, the cable cars and tea shops, and beautiful orange landscapes peppered with towering saguaro cacti. the sun shined with a different hue.
And having no exception.
no pressure.
just solitude and peace falling on me like a warm blanket in winter.
Savor it.
Currently I am in the Addis Ababa Airport in Ethiopia, sitting in the lounge waiting for our flight to Bangkok, Thailand. Our flight was delayed a few hours, which will cause us to miss the flight from Thailand to Vietnam.
This is the nature of the race.
What gets me exhilarated.
These airport moments. Peering out the window at the cars that look like ants.
The 17 hour, no AC, broken seats, wind blasting in my face, obnoxious loud music playing in my ears, bus rides.
The looking out the window as the landscape changes on the road.
The picking up and packing up and moving up and onward.
The past 4 months in Africa were not easy.
We have been longing for a real shower, running water to make washing your hands accessible, brushing your teeth accessible, and properly cleaning your hair….accessible.
We have longed to not sweat out everything we have.
to not have to be on-guard for the mosquitos who love my blood extra.
to not wake up to pounding rain leaking through the roof on my face.
to sleep one full night, just one, pleaseeeee!
But alas.
The past 4 months in Africa were mighty redeeming.
friendships that seemed impossible bloomed — and not because i am the nicest godliest woman, but because of the Lord’s grace that grew louder than my flesh desire to push everyone away.
I saw what perseverance can look like, and that I really do possess it.
Ministry became worth it, even when i felt unworthy, unprepared, sad, sick, or unstable.
I saw it true that i can really do a lot with very little.
I found myself so weak that all I could do was pray. Lord please help me. pls.
I laughed more than i have in a while. It made me feel healthier and lighter.
I read God’s word more than i ever have.
I felt the real time pruning occurring, and my heart morphing slowly + beautifully.
I was met with a crossroad in which I found strength to choose patience.
I leaned less on my own understanding.
Til next time,
xoxo
Erin Michele
